As I reflect back over a tumultuous lifetime on record, meaning I can remember or think I do anyway, I sometimes fall into this pit, rut, or nut up thinking about my current status.
Is it too hot?
Should I shower?
What will I eat?
What does that cost?
Then and as if I suddenly understand I could care less about these necessary evils, and the only thing keeping me ticking is that I feel at some point I will be able to carefully, considerately, compassionately deliver my message.
Clearly I cannot go forth and play the game of the world is right as rain, just a tough run. Bull to bologney, I will spread the truth as best I can, practicing every day.
I'm a mocking bird, and my words sting the whole hive when I hit these high notes. It's not a matter of meaness. I regret having been mean, said a mean word, cast a bad thought. My whole core revolves around a happiness, improvement, and an ideal of hold firm to truth.
Problem is that language is one of the shackles. This verbal intent on my part is only going to scatter fire and hoping open hearts have room for some more of the pieces.
The language and the depth, ambiguity, are programs for living. And dying. And torturing, tormenting...but also tickling, laughing, owning, choosing, creating could be written.
Without a clear communication it would be quite unlikely we could become one tribe of creative generators, making this ghastly gamey shamebulls, into a new original vantage point, may take patience and understanding.
I had anger. Human hissing, foaming anger. Cruelty, is unpleasant in any form. I don't look away. I can't look away. But I have the same weapons and could employ them too. Never changes that I realize I am not going to nor do I forget the times I did use it.
I have so many vantage points that clearly I see every but what is under my own nose.
I'm also a diligent word warrior, or as I have described "Verbavoire." I don't have many average characteristics, I don't clean, or do windows, and I never look down on those who are down.
But My message is that I care to communicate and continue challenging those who take it less than seriously that there is a change on the herverizon. Many of us out here are charging up our souped up communications and the revving is causing some stir.
I note a fearful sense in and around me, but that is what happens when I fear what is possible or even probable. " A force that created a prison for me." And on the inside and out. Not clever, cool, or respectable, but a negative force, holding back it's power mongering.
Others display their pay check to actors union income, dual and more, but I do suffer to offer real critical information on this circus of the anti-matter. It hurts, it's a conditioned, amnesiatic lie machine on every level.
Sad, as I have so many better ideas, and meet people all the time beaming with potentials and have yet to bring it forward.
Where's the technology? Where's the fun? Where's the love?
Who de-created everything?
More questions than answers. And stomach discomfort because of the gaps.
My current "status" is "introspective." I want to know what is ticking me off and making me tick.
And making me sick....lol
But one thing never changes.................No unexamined life is worth living-Socrates