Writing from the heart...

Although this blog is about a lot of things, bi-polar disorder, creativity, sprituality, life, love, happiness and fighting of course, I thought I would start here to explain what I will be writing about on my other blog this week.

It's a personal story, and it's a real story, of rural health. My interest in writing it is to stave off the bad medicine which seems to happen at the Rural Health Clinic in Mt. Mesa, California.

When I say "bad medicine" that means a lot of different things. I think about how the fact that I am bi-polar has kept me from getting treated like a human being over there.

I left the place two months ago, and have been planning this story since the last day I spoke to my doctor over there. It's not like we spoke, we hit a wall, and he thought that was okay. (I carry a sledge hammer though and walls don't bother me much)

This story, I hope, will make better healthcare professionals out of these people. Not that I think it will happen overnight: they're not going to read it and suddenly understand what kind of fuck ups having been going on over there.

I'm sure they will be angry with me at first. I think what I will be saying in it's rawest form, will be at the very least uncomfortable, and at the most it will have them blowing smoke out of their ears.

But when we don't complain, when we don't tell the truth, things don't change and illness festers.

Walking away from a situation only to know others will follow that same path and may suffer the same mistakes you endured, is not fair.

Telling the truth, is what is fair. I'm going to tell it like it was. All of it.

The community here can accept it or reject it, it's truly up to them. But I will have the knowledge that I tried to make a change.

Healthcare reform has less to do with insurance as it has to do with how we treat people, and how we allow the pharmaceutical companies to remain in control of the medications, while insurance companies control their part of the money. It's a mess.

It doesn't have to be, but it is. I was going to go into insurance as some of my family wanted me to work with them. They thought i would be good at it. I did go to the point of taking the classes and getting the license, then realized, what kind of fucked up industry is this?

I did not like it or respect it, knowing that with a few changes, we all could have good insurance, doctors could be paid what they want, pharmaceuticals could still get their share, and insurance companies could simplify and have all the money they want.

I'll preview this as I intend to outline the whole plan on the other blog: Your government, your problem: an owner's manual.

But what if every single person in this country put in money to cover their insurance? If you take the population figures, and multiply by $5, then you would have a booming industry. Anyone who is not a resident would pay more, and those on vacation here would have to pay a healthcare tax before departing their plane.

Done. Everyone has insurance, and everyone is treated. Volume. (I stole that thought from a CFO)

It didn't take much to figure this out, but our government can't seem to get those hands out of their pockets long enough to do the right thing.

Obama's plan should scare us all. It was thrown together too quickly for one thing, and second, the beneficiaries of the plans are the insurance companies and pharma. Nothing changed, it was just spun.

Back to the story, I am only one, but everyone is one, and all of us can do something about the things that come across in our lives the one's that call to us, our call to duty.

This story is calling me...See you soon Rural Health Clinic

excerpts from KVHD under fire: July 4th post

But again, my strengths are not necessarily palatable to many, but if there were trouble I would be and am the person people come to for help.

If you're shooting squirrels you get a pellet gun, but if you're shooting big game you come to me.

It's nothing new and the people who know me, the ones who have known me for years, would not expect me to do anything else. And they would also not expect me to do it like anyone else, because I'm not.

And neither are you reader. You are unique and have strengths with which you have been given to serve.

My strength, is considered a weakness and a mental health problem, but only by people who know nothing about it.

I'm a bi-polar American.

I'm different, I don't need drugs, "my brain makes chemicals junkies would jump through my ears to get to."

It's like driving a race car, the steering is sensitive, just a touch on the gas pedal and your tires spin then you go squealing past or sometimes over everything.

It takes time and training and most certainly awareness to drive a vehicle like this.After years and years of accidents and fatalities, I've finally reached a point where I recognize the necessity for brakes. (Sometimes I like to do donuts though.)

This is now my issue: helping the bi-polar understand and change the image of the label thus changing their own self image which has likely been attacked repeatedly. And most certainly the healthcare system which on average has little or no clue how to medically handle us.

I've written a book, "The Chronicles of the Bi-Polar Reporter," and started the second book surrounding the oddity which is the Kern Valley, called, "The Valley of Fear." (I'm still waiting to see how it ends)

There are two more books in the series where our main character takes on drug dealers, the police, and then finally Sacramento. The books are fictional, but contain many pieces to the puzzle of the NASCAR mind.

Sometimes one must be a little crazy to get anything done.

I don't care anymore who thinks I'm crazy; but I do care about the 17 year-old who is cutting himself or herself, feeling suicidal, disenfranchised, and lacking enough self esteem to get past social judgments entrenched in our society.

This will be handled by our video production company as we have begun shooting the low budget film, "The order of the Bi-Polar Disorder." We will be using some of the KVHD hospital board meeting footage to highlight the difference between a reporter and a "bi-polar reporter."

The next goal is to make a film which can be a learning tool for hospitals and medical types who know nothing about this and have read far too much Freud.

The first book in the series should be available this fall, and that is a book about mania. If you don't feel manic from cover to cover then I didn't do my job. You may just feel the bursting brain cells as you read along.

That book was written at the end of 2007, when I took a week off in between an assault and a head injury.

As I have stressed the confusion between calling something a weakness when it maybe a strength given the right situation.

When I wrote the first book, I sent it to all the people I knew who were readers and read many different genres. I took in their feedback.

Then my friends with a twisted sense of humor had their hands on it.

Then I needed some critical eyes; someone who would not be nice, but would be nit picking every page of it. That was my cousin. Hard person to be around, but she started hammering at the first paragraph.

Next editing was important, but grammatical editing was what interested me. So, I got the most fastidious editor I could find. The type most writers would never dare go to if they were at all sensitive.

What I wanted was a good product, so I opened myself to criticism and scrutiny, and I think the goal has been accomplished to my satisfaction. I'm not interested in sycophants they have agendas and don't tell you everything

.(No crimes were committed and no harm came to animals in the making of these books and films.)

I wish that the Kern Valley Healthcare District thought more about welcoming the criticism so that changes can occur, situations rectified, progress made: I love that kind of stuff.

And I hope that will happen and the usefulness of that will bring about a "good product" we all can use with confidence.

So, it's July 4th weekend and I felt free to tell you readers who you are really dealing with: "The bi-polar reporter."

As our country is experiencing a mass social depression with an economy equally as depressed, don't feel victimized, but use this time to become empowered. Use your strengths whatever they are and wade in and change this country for the better. We fought, we protested, we marched, and those efforts made incremental progress.

So let's do it again. I'm with you.