Throwing it all away...the pain.

It's hard to imagine that we are throwing it all away. Our former selves, perceptions, casting this off for something we really are and have a right to be. But in this setting? In this time capsule, this environment that creates life that is demented?

It's painful to strip away all that we built out of sand, but it has no merit to hold onto a single thing, except, your core truth/love compassion for us all.

Speaking truth, testing truth, imperative in the face of this sudden recognition most are in the process of having right now.

It's a real challenge to be hooked on this disorder that we have become. The food, the death, the addiction that is every thing, every single thing. Nothing is excluded. It's meant to be that way.

Life has something inexplicable, something of a spark. Where are we? Our truth diluted into a language that is capable of great manipulation and misuse. At least it appears that way. lol But things are not as they appear on the surface.

There is life around us, but what is it? A hotbed of deceit and misery, suffering and finally this very subjective experience is created called "death." The ultimate in control features. Impressive.

It's an amazing trap. Or it's a lot of things, subjugation perhaps. These revelations will come later I'm sure.

For now, yes, you are about to do something that every effort will be made to keep you from doing, which is to begin clear it all until there is the shape to what "things really are" Of what and who you are. From there you battle the despair that you are indeed nothing without the droning of television or an activity junkie or a feeling junkie..."that is how I feel." really? 

This is your update from the rabbit hole. We have lights in the skies overhead. It's apparent this has some meaning. But do not appear to be unafraid as this is a strong force which beguiles us all. There is one truth and that will be found.

You are life expressing itself from a compromised situation possibly. lol

But you are talented, please do try all those things to your hearts content. But your couch or bed, are not the best place to get too comfortable. There is no comfort in these former things.

So go to it, do what you need to and mind you there are going to be more updates as more little glitches occur.

Chasing windmills?

Your friend in truth, Laura Hart

Demoralization completed in America...

I've had one hell of a time heading down the rabbit hole. It's been quite intense as I have discovered from much research as well as these incredible gut instincts (for lack of a better term).

This video contains information about how a government, a social structure, can imprint its message into the population, such as we call brain washing.

I've been very careful not to get too stuck on various ideas I know were fed to me. It's tough to break free, in fact, it's very uncomfortable and horrifying at times when the truth is allowed to penetrate the mountain of manipulative lies one has been trained to believe.

But be glad as the news is great, when we take down the walls we will find something incredible. It's worth the risk of breaking free from the oppressive nature of the very sick system in place.

So, ye who tread here, it's a wild ride. I'll be here if you need me. But I'm confident you are quite capable of handling this transition as we were falsely sold the idea of powerlessness.

Be careful as fear peddlers abound out there. The media is racking up zombie stories suspiciously seeming to set a chill up our spine.

We are most certainly not hopeless or helpless. Chins up demoralized ones.

(oh and about Scooter...It's on the agenda as I question it all. All my thinking, my past, my actions...all are being questioned. It is necessary to reevaluate to create a free choice. As of now, most of you still are hanging on to notions being force fed.)

Your friend in truth. Laura Hart

http://worldtruth.tv/how-to-brainwash-a-nation-2/

Following the trail: back up the rabbit hole...

hello, I'm Laura and I'm a drug addict, alcoholic, sex addict, food freak, etc if you will...

I have to get used to the "outside" again, as I was incarcerated recently, not for long, as I'm not one to settle in anywhere. But new information about what happened on November 11, 2011, the day my bi-polar became seriously out of control, has come to the surface as I have to retrace my missteps from this past month.
I'm clean of it all, the drugs are gone...but then so was I.
Can you imagine watching someone kick opiates and benzo's all at once?
God it must have been terrible for those around me, and I must apologize, because that is what bi-polar American's do when they fuck up royally.
I want to not only make amends, as I could have escaped this pain by simply reducing medications over the course of some months and then gone on my way, I want to be better because of it.

BUT NO...
Being bi-polar means knowing what you are and what you are not. I'm not sane all the time, and I'm not able to handle the drugs I was taking. It was awful for All of us, not just me.
Oh my it hurt to writhe in agony, but I will never forget, and that is something that may save us all from another bad trip. I'm the one in charge, so whatever goes wrong is my responsibility.

I love the truth
As I've spent the last week at home working on the house of pain, the house of dirt, and disaster, I can see clearly that I was not in a state of mind that was conducive to living a clean and easy life. I like things the hard way.
If it can't be done, then I would do it. I would put all my personal issues aside to take on anything, even a dare. That is nothing new, it's been a whole life of putting my own needs on hold while I whip up a tornado and go out and do damage.
Now, I'm more interested in doing things that I know have at the least a seed of truth. I love the truth, and I'm irritated by people who bullshit. Oh yeah, and I'm a great bullshitter if I may say so myself. But the difference is only that I want and need to hear about my issues so I can change them. However, don't bull shit a bullshitter as I will know.

I'm working hard to come back and be all that I can be, and that includes dealing with my issues and they are numerous. You have no idea the kind of anger I have been carrying around...

Well, some out there got a taste of the personality we call the "bi-polar reporter" the one who makes sure that there are no people who are hurt or taken advantage of. How realistic is that? Not at all, therefore, this alter ego has spent years hounding others and threatening their very existence.


What can I do with all my anger?
I decided I had to come to terms with this or go over the edge and now it's a daily thing, making a bed, raking leaves, cooking stew, and having FAITH.
Thank you God or Scooter as I call it, the universe, for the breakdown, which was necessary for true change to occur. I want the truth, and I will find it, and be okay with it, as I was drunk, on opiates, freaking out, and now I'm into the moment, the only thing that counts.
I can no longer stuff this down. I kind of wish I could as the constant need for truth telling is getting on the nerves of others around me who would prefer to just package it all and call it a day.

Not bi-polar American's

We bi-polar's are all over it, the truth, the reason for our malady, and with the truth comes real change so it must not be feared.
It would be nice if I could stop telling everyone the truth, but I don't feel it's good for me or them to lie or couch the truth. It's a real skin peeler to take off all these layers of deceit. Maybe I will find that I'm still lying after all of this, but I won't worry about it, as it will do what it's going to do whether or not I actually do anything.

We are so extreme

I should say that I'm extremely angry at a lot of things, but that is not my focus. I want to take control of my mind, thoughts, life, and the only way is thru my "anger management." 

My therapist was told that she could not let the bi-polar reporter run the therapy, and I was not manic when I last saw her, which made a huge difference. 
I'm not my anger, but then what am I? I guess I'm a lot of things, too caring, too much of a pussy who constantly gives chances to others but sadly not myself. 


This is my first blog back and I want to say that my "authority complex" has gotten even more complex as I found friends in my guards at jail. They not only watched me kick opiates, including herion, which I used three times this year, and benzo's I relied upon for self control, but they were KIND. 


The last part I did not expect. They were on my bi-polar radar as the "bad guys" and I guess that made me a good guy, sort of, but now they are truly appreciated. 


I want the Sheriff's department to know that they are supported by the insane, unkempt, types like me, the bi-polars. I'm sure they are thrilled but they should be as I don't take to just anyone, I'm kind of picky, so they must be extremely cool! 


Thank you all for your support, I plan on making this work, and will get back with my progress. Right now it's white knuckle time, trying to be an adult. Oh, didn't I tell you, I'm like born yesterday or something. 


When I left the jail I had no idea what I would face here at home, but I was hoping that it would be easy. NOT. It's been arduous and tough, like a bi-polar likes it I know, but also it's a learning experience, like I like it. 


I'll continue to let you know what I'm learning. And if the Sheriff's hear this message, please know I am sincere, and would like to make good on my promise. Walter and I tried to get there, but we ended up crying and buying a cell phone...(Don't ask) which is fun and awesome, I love it! 


Thanks to the people who care about me, you are so stupid, yet I love you....


More to follow: Indeed