What do I find interesting?
Beginning as a young child I had serious issues about life and death. I've not talked about some of this subject matter I'm about to discuss in detail on my blog...as I don't want to get killed or detained in a mental health institute. LOL
(Oh hell, lock me up because here I go on a path to my truth. There's no stopping me now.)
When I was a few years old I would have dreams at night where I would fly to places I had never been, but was about to go and see in the near future.
My parents were always trying to convince me that I had not left the house or been anywhere during my sleep at night. However, there came a time when I told them and even proved to them I knew the layout of a home I had never been in.
It was a powerful force within me that wanted to see past the boundaries we have installed around us. Of course, I would fly at night, exhilarated to share my experience, I told my parents all about the night time activities. They argued with me that it was impossible.
So, began my life as a weirdo
Next on my young list was to master death somehow. I could not have been more than four years old when I found something dead in the road. Hell, it was mostly bones with bits of fur, but I dragged it home anyway. I cried for it's pain or imaginary suffering. I'll never forget how freaked out my parents were and how they quickly tried to wash this death off my hands. LOL
A few years later I would sit for days trying to resurrect a dead orange tabby cat on the side of the road. I figured Jesus had done it so why not do something interesting. (What would Jesus do? LOL)
Of course the cat never reanimated for me, but I did spend a few days ruminating over death while sitting with a decaying corpse.
I was being told by family and experience that death was bad - serious - and absolute. There was no way a anomaly like me could ignore the challenge of bringing the dead back to life.
The irony would be that I ended up bringing myself back to life after almost certain death. I never got far with resurrecting dead animals but it didn't deter me from trying other unlikely things.
You can't do that
My neighbor, who would later become my step-uncle, watched as I tried to move objects, my toys, around with my mind. I don't know how long he spied on me before he finally said, "you can't do that."
"What?"
It was a big disappointment as I had failed to resurrect anything, now I was being told I could not also move objects with my mind. I had my toys set up so that I could look intensely at them and maybe they would bend to my will and actually move for me.
"This sucks," I thought as I took the criticism too seriously.
People create reality and no one wanted me to be walking around bringing back the dead and potentially hitting them with objects unleashed with only my mind. And they also would not let me take Karate either. I'm sure for the very same reasons. LOL
Short story for today, but one that I hope will keep me thinking of...why the hell was I doing that.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Monday, April 9, 2012
Leave before you lose your mind...
There was a time I was experimenting with different potential blog/websites. This one I just returned to only ten minutes ago. The title is "Leave before you lose your mind."
I was just telling my friend here in London I had written these stories based on pictures I took at my friend's house. She happens to buy some strange items, such as statues, that she keeps around for some reason.
One night, I was looking for a way to try to write something. There is no one way or wrong way, this was just another way to do things.
I'll be posting the link, but there is good food on the table and I must play some cards, and tonight "GAME OF THRONES!" Awesome.
Anyway, here's the link to the site. I'll make some decisions as to what to do with the material. Shortly...
http://laurahart-1.blogspot.com/
I was just telling my friend here in London I had written these stories based on pictures I took at my friend's house. She happens to buy some strange items, such as statues, that she keeps around for some reason.
One night, I was looking for a way to try to write something. There is no one way or wrong way, this was just another way to do things.
I'll be posting the link, but there is good food on the table and I must play some cards, and tonight "GAME OF THRONES!" Awesome.
Anyway, here's the link to the site. I'll make some decisions as to what to do with the material. Shortly...
http://laurahart-1.blogspot.com/
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Occupying London...
Torture as a confidence builder
I'm still in London enjoying my freedom from the daily grind allowing me time for introspection. You know I was thinking tonight that my rumble with the Kern Valley Healthcare District...changed me--for the better--"The better to eat them with"... lol
The people running the hospital district probably don't realize that they created me in the first place. Had I had a satisfying experience within our healthcare district along with others, I would have gone home and rested. Never given them a second thought.
But as WE ALL NOW KNOW that's not what happened. LOL
One horribly painful adventure after another has given me some fucking confidence. I mean really, do any of you fuckers know of anyone else who they could do this to and have them get back up and smile right in their fucking faces?
No you don't. I'm an original mutherfuckers. (however, there is likely someone else out there with these same caustic qualities who may not be as nice as me--yeah, I know what you're thinking.)
You can Narcan me- make me squeal like a pig-and when I finally stop hallucinating--I fucking come back, shake your hand and take up my position as local Beefeater. Someone has to guard the health and well being of others.
And life stepped in and hit me with it's hammer which hardly deterred me or none of my friends would be concerned. I think we all know where I'm going with this confidence (see post title). However, it will be done my way.
I love the people who have come together to occupy, but I've been thinking on this for a long time, and I will have to step out on a limb and do it the "Bi-polar reporter way." It's who I fucking became through all these incredible tests.
The world needs a bad ass like me right about now. And I appear to have taken some torture this last time around at KVHD. These people played a role in our collective drama, as I needed to be put to the test where I would NEVER fucking fear anything again.
Thanks pussies.
This makes me quite scary...
Yes, people who are on the side which has overwhelmed the sense of balance in the world, (nothing more or less, let's not get too caught up in the evil paradigm) --it takes a certain kind of person, bi-polar, to tackle the conundrum.
Other people would rather compromise. Me--not so much.
There's an imbalance which will need correcting so our earth isn't overwhelmed. That's why certain people such as myself, as I'm only one of many, who have woken up-- are paying attention--and for fuck's sake actually DO SOMETHING.
When did the people in Nazi Germany decide to take action? How many people died--suffered--while everyone was politically correct and trying to be respectful- accommodating?
We can't risk the whole planet, can we?
Most people who have been ahead of their time are often in danger as the rest of the world isn't necessarily ready for the kind of shift that will be taking place. Today is no different, except that we have come to a rather final place: we can and will destroy ourselves if some major change does not occur.
I'm up to the task
Having gone thru madness--one trial after another my life required I learn--and rapidly.
When I discovered the hospital's administrative charade which used my good will to try and obtain a tax measure on the community in the valley--the unnecessary killing and drugging of elderly patients--an attempt to buy me off then a subsequent attack when that didn't work.
I learned about fear.
I was attacked by a rapist, so I learned what rape is about--the violence. I also learned I could match that violence and even one up the attacker.
I hit a bathtub with my head. I learned about life as opposed to death. It may have appeared as free choice, but that was a set up as I did not want to leave and be bored...or not be here right now.
Ten days later I stroked out, had a speech problem. I still managed to call the former CEO of KVHD and tell her the reckoning would be delayed, with only half my face operating. But I mentioned it would not stop me.
And it didn't.
The end of 2010 I had the great displeasure slamming my car door on my face during a KVHD meeting. Of course, I covered the meeting even with blood trickling down my face, unaware I had broken a tooth and damaged a second one.
I learned that I do stay focused...on certain things. lol
This lead to the use of more pain killers and subsequently several bouts of Bradycardia, or slow heart rate, like 29 beats per minute.
It also opened an opportunity for a certain asshole medical director to hit me with Narcan while I was full of opiates. This was done in a shady manner, they did not tell me they were doing this...nor was it done correctly.
I call it a doctor induced death experience as I have never felt that kind of pain. My favorite grandparents, who are dead, were at my bedside for the adventure. While I had a sensation of being cold, or freezing, starting from my chest down, I did think I was dead or dying.
The Narcan was followed by tremendous hallucinations. Mostly skulls, some were dancing with top hats, while others were in tuxedos. Fucking insane.
My life was saved by a lot of different events and people. There was so much energy to keep me going, but not only that--to help me transcend and get stronger.
I learned to laugh and own the pain.
I had a gun pointed at me, along with a very direct death threat allowed to remain published on the Kern Valley Sun (burnt), local newspaper website requesting that "someone take her out."
It did nothing but make me bristle. I told my would be killers via my blog that if they were going to shoot me they had better fucking do it right. "Wing me and you will fucking only piss me off," I wrote.
However, I did learn that some people are sleepwalkers who have no social conscience.
Then...November came last year and I could no longer take the doctor dope, nor be controlled by the drugs.
I got royally angry, foaming at the mouth mad when my doctor had me sign paperwork which she misrepresented. Then the following day my pain management doctor decided I was too early on my prescription.
My anger surged to a point that I blacked out.
I learned that I can get so angry that I can't even remember.
The whole mess seemed too much to handle, and I wanted to be dead. One thing lead to another and paramedics and police were hauling me out of my house.
I now remember why I got scared and ran to a church across from the hospital seeking harbor. The faith less people at the church sent me on my way as they didn't want to deal with a "fugitive from justice" as I was being called.
Read this blog from November 8, 2011 on and you will know what I learned from that.
Things fucking change, don't they?
It's time for me to be who I am in every single respect. At the bottom of my core I feel a tumultuous rumble of change throughout my whole being.
My faith has become strong. The universe is my cartographer, mapping out my every move. I feel very much in touch with each and every lesson.
I clearly remember the moment I woke up in jail. lol
A tray of weenies and beans came to me thru the door and I pushed it back out the door-- food dropping to the floor--much to the shock of one guard-- I was so excited to suddenly know!
But a message arrived at that moment: "Allow everyone to have their own experience."
Meaning: Don't try to change how they perceive me and the world.
I quickly apologized to the female guard and the inmate who was helping her. They both looked shocked, so I tried to play down the reason I did what I did. Oops, sorry that was related to my spiritual awakening. LOL
The guard got a slightly upset, but the inmate told me I could have saved the food and eaten it later. Sage advice as my body went hungry. Luckily, my soul was tied up with other matters--celebration really.
The time is now...
We all have a role to play on either side of the football.
There is more certainty in my mind today...I'm still processing and researching, learning--but things were set in motion long before this time. I can look back on my life and see this coming.
You think George Orwell was a fiction writer? lol- Well, he was a visionary.
But...what Orwell didn't count on was the fucking tenacity of one Bi-polar American.
More to follow...it's time for a road trip this weekend. Easter weekend...resurrecting some other life issues? lol
I'm still in London enjoying my freedom from the daily grind allowing me time for introspection. You know I was thinking tonight that my rumble with the Kern Valley Healthcare District...changed me--for the better--"The better to eat them with"... lol
The people running the hospital district probably don't realize that they created me in the first place. Had I had a satisfying experience within our healthcare district along with others, I would have gone home and rested. Never given them a second thought.
But as WE ALL NOW KNOW that's not what happened. LOL
One horribly painful adventure after another has given me some fucking confidence. I mean really, do any of you fuckers know of anyone else who they could do this to and have them get back up and smile right in their fucking faces?
No you don't. I'm an original mutherfuckers. (however, there is likely someone else out there with these same caustic qualities who may not be as nice as me--yeah, I know what you're thinking.)
You can Narcan me- make me squeal like a pig-and when I finally stop hallucinating--I fucking come back, shake your hand and take up my position as local Beefeater. Someone has to guard the health and well being of others.
And life stepped in and hit me with it's hammer which hardly deterred me or none of my friends would be concerned. I think we all know where I'm going with this confidence (see post title). However, it will be done my way.
I love the people who have come together to occupy, but I've been thinking on this for a long time, and I will have to step out on a limb and do it the "Bi-polar reporter way." It's who I fucking became through all these incredible tests.
The world needs a bad ass like me right about now. And I appear to have taken some torture this last time around at KVHD. These people played a role in our collective drama, as I needed to be put to the test where I would NEVER fucking fear anything again.
Thanks pussies.
This makes me quite scary...
Yes, people who are on the side which has overwhelmed the sense of balance in the world, (nothing more or less, let's not get too caught up in the evil paradigm) --it takes a certain kind of person, bi-polar, to tackle the conundrum.
Other people would rather compromise. Me--not so much.
There's an imbalance which will need correcting so our earth isn't overwhelmed. That's why certain people such as myself, as I'm only one of many, who have woken up-- are paying attention--and for fuck's sake actually DO SOMETHING.
When did the people in Nazi Germany decide to take action? How many people died--suffered--while everyone was politically correct and trying to be respectful- accommodating?
We can't risk the whole planet, can we?
Most people who have been ahead of their time are often in danger as the rest of the world isn't necessarily ready for the kind of shift that will be taking place. Today is no different, except that we have come to a rather final place: we can and will destroy ourselves if some major change does not occur.
I'm up to the task
Having gone thru madness--one trial after another my life required I learn--and rapidly.
When I discovered the hospital's administrative charade which used my good will to try and obtain a tax measure on the community in the valley--the unnecessary killing and drugging of elderly patients--an attempt to buy me off then a subsequent attack when that didn't work.
I learned about fear.
I was attacked by a rapist, so I learned what rape is about--the violence. I also learned I could match that violence and even one up the attacker.
I hit a bathtub with my head. I learned about life as opposed to death. It may have appeared as free choice, but that was a set up as I did not want to leave and be bored...or not be here right now.
Ten days later I stroked out, had a speech problem. I still managed to call the former CEO of KVHD and tell her the reckoning would be delayed, with only half my face operating. But I mentioned it would not stop me.
And it didn't.
The end of 2010 I had the great displeasure slamming my car door on my face during a KVHD meeting. Of course, I covered the meeting even with blood trickling down my face, unaware I had broken a tooth and damaged a second one.
I learned that I do stay focused...on certain things. lol
This lead to the use of more pain killers and subsequently several bouts of Bradycardia, or slow heart rate, like 29 beats per minute.
It also opened an opportunity for a certain asshole medical director to hit me with Narcan while I was full of opiates. This was done in a shady manner, they did not tell me they were doing this...nor was it done correctly.
I call it a doctor induced death experience as I have never felt that kind of pain. My favorite grandparents, who are dead, were at my bedside for the adventure. While I had a sensation of being cold, or freezing, starting from my chest down, I did think I was dead or dying.
The Narcan was followed by tremendous hallucinations. Mostly skulls, some were dancing with top hats, while others were in tuxedos. Fucking insane.
My life was saved by a lot of different events and people. There was so much energy to keep me going, but not only that--to help me transcend and get stronger.
I learned to laugh and own the pain.
I had a gun pointed at me, along with a very direct death threat allowed to remain published on the Kern Valley Sun (burnt), local newspaper website requesting that "someone take her out."
It did nothing but make me bristle. I told my would be killers via my blog that if they were going to shoot me they had better fucking do it right. "Wing me and you will fucking only piss me off," I wrote.
However, I did learn that some people are sleepwalkers who have no social conscience.
Then...November came last year and I could no longer take the doctor dope, nor be controlled by the drugs.
I got royally angry, foaming at the mouth mad when my doctor had me sign paperwork which she misrepresented. Then the following day my pain management doctor decided I was too early on my prescription.
My anger surged to a point that I blacked out.
I learned that I can get so angry that I can't even remember.
The whole mess seemed too much to handle, and I wanted to be dead. One thing lead to another and paramedics and police were hauling me out of my house.
I now remember why I got scared and ran to a church across from the hospital seeking harbor. The faith less people at the church sent me on my way as they didn't want to deal with a "fugitive from justice" as I was being called.
Read this blog from November 8, 2011 on and you will know what I learned from that.
Things fucking change, don't they?
It's time for me to be who I am in every single respect. At the bottom of my core I feel a tumultuous rumble of change throughout my whole being.
My faith has become strong. The universe is my cartographer, mapping out my every move. I feel very much in touch with each and every lesson.
I clearly remember the moment I woke up in jail. lol
A tray of weenies and beans came to me thru the door and I pushed it back out the door-- food dropping to the floor--much to the shock of one guard-- I was so excited to suddenly know!
But a message arrived at that moment: "Allow everyone to have their own experience."
Meaning: Don't try to change how they perceive me and the world.
I quickly apologized to the female guard and the inmate who was helping her. They both looked shocked, so I tried to play down the reason I did what I did. Oops, sorry that was related to my spiritual awakening. LOL
The guard got a slightly upset, but the inmate told me I could have saved the food and eaten it later. Sage advice as my body went hungry. Luckily, my soul was tied up with other matters--celebration really.
The time is now...
We all have a role to play on either side of the football.
There is more certainty in my mind today...I'm still processing and researching, learning--but things were set in motion long before this time. I can look back on my life and see this coming.
You think George Orwell was a fiction writer? lol- Well, he was a visionary.
But...what Orwell didn't count on was the fucking tenacity of one Bi-polar American.
More to follow...it's time for a road trip this weekend. Easter weekend...resurrecting some other life issues? lol
Sunday, April 1, 2012
When the student lights up the teacher...
Holy shit!
I came to London to see my friend. But actually I got here and she saw me. Today is the day I know more about myself- my current state- then I have in a very long time... if ever.
My friend is not just anybody, she's extraordinary.
But I want to preface this by saying that I have used this blog to tell the truth. And that truth has not always been a pretty picture. It's often difficult for me to justify doing this publicly, but I'm not going to stray from what has worked to change me.
There are issues that I would rather deal with outside of a public forum, but having done this, it has the effect that I'm no longer harboring problems--keeping these things out of the light.
The student...
My friend, who was only seventeen at the time, came into my life during a period when my whole foundation starting shifting. It was the year my mother died and to survive I had to face those secrets we keep in the darkness.
I've been facing a lot of issues recently--most of it accounted for on this blog. Layer upon layer of self deception as I've covered up what I thought were my weaknesses. Peeling it all off has been much like scraping paint: long and tedious. I can recall when I was 20 years old, thinking I would need maybe 250 years to get the hang of life. None of this came natural to me.
Today, my friend was able to reflect back to me pictures- images- beliefs I have become out of touch with such as--my anger/rage.
We discussed KVHD and the fact is that they may have hurt me, even tortured me of recent, but I can and will not allow it to happen again. But it is over. That's if I want it to be over. It's a choice I have when I acknowledge and accept it.
It's a problem when I bury it away from my own watchful eye. Neither of us could deny there were not real or unimagined hurts that were never allowed to be just what they were-- thus allowing them to heal. The pain stretched out over a long period of time--one thing on top of another.
Differentiating passion and anger...
I am passionately against hurting other people...yet, I'm really good at it myself. The difference would only be that I get angry at "possibly" justifiable events. But I don't just get angry, the whole world falls apart and I come unglued.
While dissecting the matter, my friend made a good point that I generally seem to manage to deal with my own pain rather well, and in a controlled fashion...most of the time. However, my mode of operation has been to help others. This well maybe my own fabrication as I internally try to hold onto the pain, but it manifests as a need to fucking fight even harder, more furiously, for people who "seem" to be victims.
Why did Batman fight?
You got a past, you got a past. What can you do? Accept it and own it, was the wisdom of the day.
My friend said there's no denying that she respects what I try to accomplish, but I often come out of these fights bloodied and bruised. The latter maybe all that needs changing.
I've acted in a confrontational way most of my life. Though I prefer to get along with other people, it seems that I will be blunt if the situation deems it necessary. A blunt instrument that is...
And most likely I will fight for other people as most won't fight for themselves. I can hardly stand it. It's like a crooked picture which needs to be straightened. Lord help those I've focused my laser on as there will be only ashes when the smoke clears. Again, that has been a choice whether I admit it or not.
But what if it's for a reason...
I'm bent but definitely not broken. What if life needs a character that has a lifetime of experience fighting?
Well, if it doesn't it would not have created me...wouldn't you think?
I'm here, this is what I am and what I do.
Then maybe I choose to change...
One way or another I will make many decisions and possibly implement new changes in my life. More awareness is in order. Also translating that awareness into daily life requires diligence and dealing with all the details.
Wow, what a complicated task it seems sometimes when we don't exactly know what motivates us to do the things we do.
Is it just low self esteem? LOL
What does that mean anyway. We as a creature, a human, I've observed tend to use words as if they are somehow known as concrete - the same definition for everyone. When I look at something and define it on this blog, I'm sure others will have their own interpretation of what I"ve written.
Hell, some people who have grammatical OCD can't stand to read me. My sentence structure is so weak and they just want to fix it.
I can relate to that feeling when it comes to my rules on justice. I think the sentence is weak and I just want to fix it.
My friend was able to do what not too many, if any, others have really done which is sharpen her knife and begin digging the bullets out.
There was no denying anything today- really that's the way it needs to be. I came here for a reason to be with someone who is not afraid to provide "passionate" feedback. We care about each other in a platonic, familial way, and with her Spanish temper, it works out. Oh, and her OCD about a lot organizational issues. She just wishes I was more strategic and less "rush the castle."
But being a bad ass does require some dramatic flair. lol
She's much more conservative as she seeks to AVOID conflict with her schedule. Admittedly, there's some extremes in both of us, which makes us perfect to reflect a surface we can see ourselves in--a mirror.
It's a perspective that we need to get in to see certain things. If I want to see truth I must look at a multitude of factors to even know the truth...of really anything. Sometimes I am in judgment I cannot see specific truths because of it. Once I let go of the judgment, employing acceptance, not trying or thinking of changing anything, there is more truth.
What truth do I act on, can be a real tough question. I've overreacted- but then I've also underreacted many times too. It's not either: it appears to be that moment of "just right" when I make a move that works for me. A car moves out of the way exactly when I need it to so that I may continue to speed along. Or I throw a piece of paper towards the trash and it ricochets off the wall and lands in the trashcan anyway.
It was just right.
I'll absorb and take in all that was said today. It's already processing, I can feel it in my reaction to certain issues.
I guarantee I will not be the only one changed by talking about these life items we take for granted and sleep walk thru. (The word through has three silent letters...and I think we can dump them. I'm much too busy to spell that out. I feel okay taking liberties with language. As always...I digress)
My friend heard some things today that I told her I really did not want to lie about to myself anymore. My rage being part of it. From this point on I will have more control of it simply by acknowledging it. I may have to do this repeatedly, but each time, I get a new truth.
After my lights came on this afternoon, I could feel pain in various parts of my body. My hands were shaky, I was uncertain. All good signs indicating the conflicts have risen to the surface.
Before I began this post, I packed away the story I wrote when I had some memory flashbacks and became angry two days ago. I'll re-post it--I can't run away from my feelings.
Unedited- Live- that's the effect I attempt to project on this blog. Not a huge stretch, but the raw material is good for introspective analysis--that's why I prefer to make myself write it out as it comes along.
"I'm learning to fly" ...Tom Petty. Youtube it--listen to the live version--when the audience sings along they all have a perspective on this song, an energy...try to feel it.
Have a great night...turn off the tube and get some truth and passion. Let it happen. Laura Hart (the bi-polar explorer)
I came to London to see my friend. But actually I got here and she saw me. Today is the day I know more about myself- my current state- then I have in a very long time... if ever.
My friend is not just anybody, she's extraordinary.
But I want to preface this by saying that I have used this blog to tell the truth. And that truth has not always been a pretty picture. It's often difficult for me to justify doing this publicly, but I'm not going to stray from what has worked to change me.
There are issues that I would rather deal with outside of a public forum, but having done this, it has the effect that I'm no longer harboring problems--keeping these things out of the light.
The student...
My friend, who was only seventeen at the time, came into my life during a period when my whole foundation starting shifting. It was the year my mother died and to survive I had to face those secrets we keep in the darkness.
I've been facing a lot of issues recently--most of it accounted for on this blog. Layer upon layer of self deception as I've covered up what I thought were my weaknesses. Peeling it all off has been much like scraping paint: long and tedious. I can recall when I was 20 years old, thinking I would need maybe 250 years to get the hang of life. None of this came natural to me.
Today, my friend was able to reflect back to me pictures- images- beliefs I have become out of touch with such as--my anger/rage.
We discussed KVHD and the fact is that they may have hurt me, even tortured me of recent, but I can and will not allow it to happen again. But it is over. That's if I want it to be over. It's a choice I have when I acknowledge and accept it.
It's a problem when I bury it away from my own watchful eye. Neither of us could deny there were not real or unimagined hurts that were never allowed to be just what they were-- thus allowing them to heal. The pain stretched out over a long period of time--one thing on top of another.
Differentiating passion and anger...
I am passionately against hurting other people...yet, I'm really good at it myself. The difference would only be that I get angry at "possibly" justifiable events. But I don't just get angry, the whole world falls apart and I come unglued.
While dissecting the matter, my friend made a good point that I generally seem to manage to deal with my own pain rather well, and in a controlled fashion...most of the time. However, my mode of operation has been to help others. This well maybe my own fabrication as I internally try to hold onto the pain, but it manifests as a need to fucking fight even harder, more furiously, for people who "seem" to be victims.
Why did Batman fight?
You got a past, you got a past. What can you do? Accept it and own it, was the wisdom of the day.
My friend said there's no denying that she respects what I try to accomplish, but I often come out of these fights bloodied and bruised. The latter maybe all that needs changing.
I've acted in a confrontational way most of my life. Though I prefer to get along with other people, it seems that I will be blunt if the situation deems it necessary. A blunt instrument that is...
And most likely I will fight for other people as most won't fight for themselves. I can hardly stand it. It's like a crooked picture which needs to be straightened. Lord help those I've focused my laser on as there will be only ashes when the smoke clears. Again, that has been a choice whether I admit it or not.
But what if it's for a reason...
I'm bent but definitely not broken. What if life needs a character that has a lifetime of experience fighting?
Well, if it doesn't it would not have created me...wouldn't you think?
I'm here, this is what I am and what I do.
Then maybe I choose to change...
One way or another I will make many decisions and possibly implement new changes in my life. More awareness is in order. Also translating that awareness into daily life requires diligence and dealing with all the details.
Wow, what a complicated task it seems sometimes when we don't exactly know what motivates us to do the things we do.
Is it just low self esteem? LOL
What does that mean anyway. We as a creature, a human, I've observed tend to use words as if they are somehow known as concrete - the same definition for everyone. When I look at something and define it on this blog, I'm sure others will have their own interpretation of what I"ve written.
Hell, some people who have grammatical OCD can't stand to read me. My sentence structure is so weak and they just want to fix it.
I can relate to that feeling when it comes to my rules on justice. I think the sentence is weak and I just want to fix it.
My friend was able to do what not too many, if any, others have really done which is sharpen her knife and begin digging the bullets out.
There was no denying anything today- really that's the way it needs to be. I came here for a reason to be with someone who is not afraid to provide "passionate" feedback. We care about each other in a platonic, familial way, and with her Spanish temper, it works out. Oh, and her OCD about a lot organizational issues. She just wishes I was more strategic and less "rush the castle."
But being a bad ass does require some dramatic flair. lol
She's much more conservative as she seeks to AVOID conflict with her schedule. Admittedly, there's some extremes in both of us, which makes us perfect to reflect a surface we can see ourselves in--a mirror.
It's a perspective that we need to get in to see certain things. If I want to see truth I must look at a multitude of factors to even know the truth...of really anything. Sometimes I am in judgment I cannot see specific truths because of it. Once I let go of the judgment, employing acceptance, not trying or thinking of changing anything, there is more truth.
What truth do I act on, can be a real tough question. I've overreacted- but then I've also underreacted many times too. It's not either: it appears to be that moment of "just right" when I make a move that works for me. A car moves out of the way exactly when I need it to so that I may continue to speed along. Or I throw a piece of paper towards the trash and it ricochets off the wall and lands in the trashcan anyway.
It was just right.
I'll absorb and take in all that was said today. It's already processing, I can feel it in my reaction to certain issues.
I guarantee I will not be the only one changed by talking about these life items we take for granted and sleep walk thru. (The word through has three silent letters...and I think we can dump them. I'm much too busy to spell that out. I feel okay taking liberties with language. As always...I digress)
My friend heard some things today that I told her I really did not want to lie about to myself anymore. My rage being part of it. From this point on I will have more control of it simply by acknowledging it. I may have to do this repeatedly, but each time, I get a new truth.
After my lights came on this afternoon, I could feel pain in various parts of my body. My hands were shaky, I was uncertain. All good signs indicating the conflicts have risen to the surface.
Before I began this post, I packed away the story I wrote when I had some memory flashbacks and became angry two days ago. I'll re-post it--I can't run away from my feelings.
Unedited- Live- that's the effect I attempt to project on this blog. Not a huge stretch, but the raw material is good for introspective analysis--that's why I prefer to make myself write it out as it comes along.
"I'm learning to fly" ...Tom Petty. Youtube it--listen to the live version--when the audience sings along they all have a perspective on this song, an energy...try to feel it.
Have a great night...turn off the tube and get some truth and passion. Let it happen. Laura Hart (the bi-polar explorer)
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Part one: River tour of the Thames...
Now, this video really isn't the greatest as I shoot for still photos. But it's not too bad either. It shouldn't make you sea sick either.
There is a tour guide giving a play by play, so listen closely. However...I was not always shooting what he was talking about. You're going to kind of have to watch for that tendency.
It's not too pervy as I like to people watch. I do have a video of Spain that is a bit racy, so if you're into that. LOL
Here you go a tour of the Thames as told by an English tour guide. Enjoy.
(cut into two parts...so sorry)
There is a tour guide giving a play by play, so listen closely. However...I was not always shooting what he was talking about. You're going to kind of have to watch for that tendency.
It's not too pervy as I like to people watch. I do have a video of Spain that is a bit racy, so if you're into that. LOL
Here you go a tour of the Thames as told by an English tour guide. Enjoy.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
The Bi-polar American back in London...
Lucky I'm across the ocean...
I must say that I'm so glad to have made the trip to Spain last week and I'm equally relieved to be back in London. The only reason I'm feeling less pressured is that the English language is alive and well over here. It was quite intense to have to try and communicate with others in Spanish.
But well worth the trouble, as I really enjoyed the people I had the opportunity to visit. There's not enough nice things I can say about them--they were gracious hosts giving me the time of day as I rattled off nouns without verbs at them. I'm sure it was funny.
Today I wish Spain and her citizens the best of luck dealing with the change the whole world faces as the powers that be are trying to curtail the spending of money--well at least in terms of the workforce. I have yet to read any news about it, but the whole country is on strike.
Taking away benefits such as severance pay, pension plans, is seeing the light of day in many countries. In fact, here in England a budget was passed that began to erode away those privileges such as paying for healthcare. And in America the supreme court, not including Diana Ross, was looking over President Obama's healthcare package.
But in Spain, with a tremendous amount of unemployment, leading to a sort of social mental depression, they decided to make it well known the people, gentes, are not happy about this trend. They went on strike--fucking everywhere.
It's such a wild hypocritical ride as the rich take the poorest, most vulnerable people to task in just about every region of the world.
In America, it's okay to spend money on fucking bailouts, war, but not on helping the disabled or elderly. No, that would cost too much.
And it's kind of sick as the countries wanting to spend less (at least on certain, specific issues) are trampling the people who can't really fight back. Though I'm proud to say that mental health was cut and we crazy types went out and fucking protested.
What kind of people do this? Greedy mutherfuckers who have no moral compass to guide them. It's okay for the American government to "steal" from the Social Security pool of money, but it's not okay for Joe blow to get a few bucks a month to feed his family after he was injured?
Where are our priorities?
Should those who are not hurting in all of this economic mess care about those who are being terrified--ostracized? Or would it be better that they just enjoy the success of being one of the few who are untouched by the catastrophe we call the American economy?
My feeling is that people who are truly driven by self-centered reasons will walk across a sea of dead bodies before they will give in and consider the plight of the many. Compassion and empathy really are rare qualities in people these days.
I've been longing to jump into this fight with the American Government. For instance, Governor Jerry Brown was recently reported to have considered repealing the laws which protect the other citizens of this country the animals, our pets- the dogs and cats.
Laws were put in place to keep these animals who often roam our streets with no food or care, from getting the very least: a decent funeral. The euthanasia issue along with housing these homeless animals is costing us some money.
So, the great Jerry "fuck you I'm doing fine" Brown decided that maybe the state could save some money by not housing these animals in what we have deemed in this country in a humane manner.
Brown also decided to attack the disabled and mentally handicapped along with seniors, and anyone else who is being given "some assistance" from the government.
Are you readers okay with Brown's ideas? What can we do to stop this mess of a Governor?
Brown and I go way back...
I'll tell you that I lost all respect for this man, as he is a coward. He really tries to play it off that he is somehow a "politician of and for the people" but he's just making a budget--he's not taking into account the real consequences of his actions.
If he were, then he'd consider that this bi-polar American is not going to shut up anytime soon. No, fuck you, Governor Brown, you're a loser and generally you and your cronies need to hit the road before I run you off of it.
Occupy will seem like a picnic next the person you are going to meet upon my return from this overseas trip. I have no issue telling this man that he's a liar - a fake - a phony. He's a politician and this is what they do.
Bi-polar Americans...well we do our own thing, which of course, cannot be predicted. It's all creative energy and it's all going to be pointed - focused on this self serving creation called the American Government.
KVHD under Fire is where we first met...
While Jerry Brown hid the fact that he was going to take another run at the Governor's mansion in 2009, I noticed his public relations department of the Attorney General's office, started cranking out the pablum for the people. Brown was taking on all sorts of cases to increase his exposure and thereby increasing his chances to take over for the terminated "Terminator" Arnold Schwarzenegger.
That's just not fair to use that position to catapult yourself into another office. But then who the hell said these people are fair? Oh yeah, we have laws against these practices.
And?
No law will do a damn thing if there isn't someone there to enforce it. (I'm not going anywhere, but they will and I fucking mean it)
This man and his employees at the Department of Justice blew the whole case with the Kern Valley Healthcare District. They have lied to all of you and I know it. I know because of two reasons: one I lived the damn KVHD nightmare so I know all the players and the facts. And number two: they used the KVHD case to "ramp up" the propaganda.
Oh my God! This asshole Brown called the case at KVHD the worst case of elder abuse he had ever seen. That didn't stop the state from closing down the Board of Registered Nursing who take complaints. I imagine one who was trying to stop elder abuse would make sure there was plenty of oversight in place.
It also didn't stop him from using ABC news and Diane Sawyer to lay out his errant case before the public on the nightly news program.
Sawyer, apparently another idiot, did not ever respond to my requests that she look at that story that caused a huge amount of controversy in the local area. As far as I'm concerned, any media backing these practices, putting out material they never fucking researched-- should be taken down. These people don't have a responsible bone in their bodies.
And let me make it clear, that Diane Sawyer, did NOT mention the KVHD CEO, Pam Ott, in this story, thereby twisting the whole matter as she was the responsible party--the leader. And these boneheads allowed then California Attorney General, Jerry Brown, to participate in this elder abuse or media abuse scam they tried to call a "news story." It was a campaign device that the likes of Karl Rove would approve.
Fucking yeah, it was a story, but it was a story about how an AG can springboard to Governor at the cost of the people he is supposed to serve.
We went to him...
Just to mention at this point that Brown and the DOJ did NOT include Ott in their original sweep even though the woman had false credentials and scapegoated dozens of others to save herself.
And Ott went on to run another hospital as the craven crowd in the Kern River Valley did nothing to implicate or stop her crime spree. Well, that's because they were on their own spree, and stopping her would have brought those facts to light. She also stole from her new venue, pension monies and likely general obligation monies which are supposedly protected.
Brown was appraised of all of this. He and his lackeys could have easily obtained information from my other blog KVHD under fire. But he didn't. He's an ambitious guy. And now he has a budget he wants to cut at the sake of animals, the disabled, and the elderly he was supposedly attempting to protect in the role of AG.
I've been thinking...
It's really a good thing I'm not in the country at this moment as I've begun to remember certain things I'm sure nobody would like that I remember regarding what happened to me at KVHD last November. I give a warning now to the phlebotomist who tortured me: If you are there when I get back...I'm coming for you. And there's not a goddam thing you can do to stop me. (he knows who he is- that's all the warning he will get)
I truly appreciate people like Martin Luther King Jr. as well as Senior. They were incredibly patient souls. Unlikely that they were bi-polar. But I'm more a Malcom X if I were to make a comparison. The peaceful marching that was lead by MLK Jr. was so brave. I am not that brave. You set your fucking dogs on me and my people--you would be in for one hell of a fight.
And the people in Spain who are trying to take back that country only have the respect of a bi-polar American today. The family I got to meet and enjoy, has nothing but my affection. And the film students who struggle to find a place in which to create (while making a decent living) will need to fight or strike or whatever it takes to secure their futures.
I will be here with them all.
And I remember what I could not about my own treatment surrounding this hospital. So there had better be time for this bi-polar to absorb this--oh so many miles from home. I'm angry, very angry. And I'm not going to smoke pot to make this anger go away. I won't be drinking the frustration down. There will be no drugs in my system as I evaluate what was done to me last year via KVHD.
You think torture happens in other countries? Well, wake the fuck up. It happened in small town, rural America with the blessings of such two faced people in politics: a senator - a governor - a hospital board. Now it's my turn. Let's rock mutherfuckers!
The KVHD trial is scheduled to begin on May 7, 2012, and I will be sitting outside the courtroom everyday until it's over.
Why outside?
Because these assholes set me up. The DOJ, you know who you are, attempted to keep me from covering the case. I was called out by the judge in court, accused of taking film without permission. Which I did NOT do.
I was then barred from the courtroom as I was said to be a supposed witness in the--penalty portion of the trial. All to keep me out. Why are they so scared?
But I made sure to file a paper with the court indicating that I had been falsely accused of taking video. I also mentioned to the judge that I had been part of the case because I happen to be against killing the elderly. Apparently I'm alone in this as Governor Brown is obviously a liar as he did nothing to change elder abuse in California. He appears to clearly not care about the elderly unlike myself.
There very well could be a plea bargain and these elder abusing assholes could get back to work and know that they are untouchable. I won't stop hunting them. And I will start hunting the politicians who let this happen. I'll make a blog for each of them if I have to. In fact, I can see in my mind a blog with Jerry Brown starring in it.
Whatever it takes to make the situation safe for people who don't have the ability or tenacity to fight back.
Brown and his lawyers ignored that I have witnesses they have not even used. Yes, they are basically making shit up as they go along. Well, they won't mind if I create some fabrications of my own. Right?
Does it all happen for a reason?
I can't answer that question. What I can say is that I should not even be here on this planet, I should be dead a hundred times over. But I'm not. And there are certain people who need to worry about it.
There won't be the violence on a physical level, but then I don't need to do that: people are all cowards and have weak points and I happen to be really good at finding them.
There will be a reckoning. And I reckon I'll be the one doing it.
Have a great day bi-polars as there's a change of seasons: after summer they will fall. Laura Hart (the bi-polar reporter is back)
I must say that I'm so glad to have made the trip to Spain last week and I'm equally relieved to be back in London. The only reason I'm feeling less pressured is that the English language is alive and well over here. It was quite intense to have to try and communicate with others in Spanish.
But well worth the trouble, as I really enjoyed the people I had the opportunity to visit. There's not enough nice things I can say about them--they were gracious hosts giving me the time of day as I rattled off nouns without verbs at them. I'm sure it was funny.
Today I wish Spain and her citizens the best of luck dealing with the change the whole world faces as the powers that be are trying to curtail the spending of money--well at least in terms of the workforce. I have yet to read any news about it, but the whole country is on strike.
Taking away benefits such as severance pay, pension plans, is seeing the light of day in many countries. In fact, here in England a budget was passed that began to erode away those privileges such as paying for healthcare. And in America the supreme court, not including Diana Ross, was looking over President Obama's healthcare package.
But in Spain, with a tremendous amount of unemployment, leading to a sort of social mental depression, they decided to make it well known the people, gentes, are not happy about this trend. They went on strike--fucking everywhere.
It's such a wild hypocritical ride as the rich take the poorest, most vulnerable people to task in just about every region of the world.
In America, it's okay to spend money on fucking bailouts, war, but not on helping the disabled or elderly. No, that would cost too much.
And it's kind of sick as the countries wanting to spend less (at least on certain, specific issues) are trampling the people who can't really fight back. Though I'm proud to say that mental health was cut and we crazy types went out and fucking protested.
What kind of people do this? Greedy mutherfuckers who have no moral compass to guide them. It's okay for the American government to "steal" from the Social Security pool of money, but it's not okay for Joe blow to get a few bucks a month to feed his family after he was injured?
Where are our priorities?
Should those who are not hurting in all of this economic mess care about those who are being terrified--ostracized? Or would it be better that they just enjoy the success of being one of the few who are untouched by the catastrophe we call the American economy?
My feeling is that people who are truly driven by self-centered reasons will walk across a sea of dead bodies before they will give in and consider the plight of the many. Compassion and empathy really are rare qualities in people these days.
I've been longing to jump into this fight with the American Government. For instance, Governor Jerry Brown was recently reported to have considered repealing the laws which protect the other citizens of this country the animals, our pets- the dogs and cats.
Laws were put in place to keep these animals who often roam our streets with no food or care, from getting the very least: a decent funeral. The euthanasia issue along with housing these homeless animals is costing us some money.
So, the great Jerry "fuck you I'm doing fine" Brown decided that maybe the state could save some money by not housing these animals in what we have deemed in this country in a humane manner.
Brown also decided to attack the disabled and mentally handicapped along with seniors, and anyone else who is being given "some assistance" from the government.
Are you readers okay with Brown's ideas? What can we do to stop this mess of a Governor?
Brown and I go way back...
I'll tell you that I lost all respect for this man, as he is a coward. He really tries to play it off that he is somehow a "politician of and for the people" but he's just making a budget--he's not taking into account the real consequences of his actions.
If he were, then he'd consider that this bi-polar American is not going to shut up anytime soon. No, fuck you, Governor Brown, you're a loser and generally you and your cronies need to hit the road before I run you off of it.
Occupy will seem like a picnic next the person you are going to meet upon my return from this overseas trip. I have no issue telling this man that he's a liar - a fake - a phony. He's a politician and this is what they do.
Bi-polar Americans...well we do our own thing, which of course, cannot be predicted. It's all creative energy and it's all going to be pointed - focused on this self serving creation called the American Government.
KVHD under Fire is where we first met...
While Jerry Brown hid the fact that he was going to take another run at the Governor's mansion in 2009, I noticed his public relations department of the Attorney General's office, started cranking out the pablum for the people. Brown was taking on all sorts of cases to increase his exposure and thereby increasing his chances to take over for the terminated "Terminator" Arnold Schwarzenegger.
That's just not fair to use that position to catapult yourself into another office. But then who the hell said these people are fair? Oh yeah, we have laws against these practices.
And?
No law will do a damn thing if there isn't someone there to enforce it. (I'm not going anywhere, but they will and I fucking mean it)
This man and his employees at the Department of Justice blew the whole case with the Kern Valley Healthcare District. They have lied to all of you and I know it. I know because of two reasons: one I lived the damn KVHD nightmare so I know all the players and the facts. And number two: they used the KVHD case to "ramp up" the propaganda.
Oh my God! This asshole Brown called the case at KVHD the worst case of elder abuse he had ever seen. That didn't stop the state from closing down the Board of Registered Nursing who take complaints. I imagine one who was trying to stop elder abuse would make sure there was plenty of oversight in place.
It also didn't stop him from using ABC news and Diane Sawyer to lay out his errant case before the public on the nightly news program.
Sawyer, apparently another idiot, did not ever respond to my requests that she look at that story that caused a huge amount of controversy in the local area. As far as I'm concerned, any media backing these practices, putting out material they never fucking researched-- should be taken down. These people don't have a responsible bone in their bodies.
And let me make it clear, that Diane Sawyer, did NOT mention the KVHD CEO, Pam Ott, in this story, thereby twisting the whole matter as she was the responsible party--the leader. And these boneheads allowed then California Attorney General, Jerry Brown, to participate in this elder abuse or media abuse scam they tried to call a "news story." It was a campaign device that the likes of Karl Rove would approve.
Fucking yeah, it was a story, but it was a story about how an AG can springboard to Governor at the cost of the people he is supposed to serve.
We went to him...
Just to mention at this point that Brown and the DOJ did NOT include Ott in their original sweep even though the woman had false credentials and scapegoated dozens of others to save herself.
And Ott went on to run another hospital as the craven crowd in the Kern River Valley did nothing to implicate or stop her crime spree. Well, that's because they were on their own spree, and stopping her would have brought those facts to light. She also stole from her new venue, pension monies and likely general obligation monies which are supposedly protected.
Brown was appraised of all of this. He and his lackeys could have easily obtained information from my other blog KVHD under fire. But he didn't. He's an ambitious guy. And now he has a budget he wants to cut at the sake of animals, the disabled, and the elderly he was supposedly attempting to protect in the role of AG.
I've been thinking...
It's really a good thing I'm not in the country at this moment as I've begun to remember certain things I'm sure nobody would like that I remember regarding what happened to me at KVHD last November. I give a warning now to the phlebotomist who tortured me: If you are there when I get back...I'm coming for you. And there's not a goddam thing you can do to stop me. (he knows who he is- that's all the warning he will get)
I truly appreciate people like Martin Luther King Jr. as well as Senior. They were incredibly patient souls. Unlikely that they were bi-polar. But I'm more a Malcom X if I were to make a comparison. The peaceful marching that was lead by MLK Jr. was so brave. I am not that brave. You set your fucking dogs on me and my people--you would be in for one hell of a fight.
And the people in Spain who are trying to take back that country only have the respect of a bi-polar American today. The family I got to meet and enjoy, has nothing but my affection. And the film students who struggle to find a place in which to create (while making a decent living) will need to fight or strike or whatever it takes to secure their futures.
I will be here with them all.
And I remember what I could not about my own treatment surrounding this hospital. So there had better be time for this bi-polar to absorb this--oh so many miles from home. I'm angry, very angry. And I'm not going to smoke pot to make this anger go away. I won't be drinking the frustration down. There will be no drugs in my system as I evaluate what was done to me last year via KVHD.
You think torture happens in other countries? Well, wake the fuck up. It happened in small town, rural America with the blessings of such two faced people in politics: a senator - a governor - a hospital board. Now it's my turn. Let's rock mutherfuckers!
The KVHD trial is scheduled to begin on May 7, 2012, and I will be sitting outside the courtroom everyday until it's over.
Why outside?
Because these assholes set me up. The DOJ, you know who you are, attempted to keep me from covering the case. I was called out by the judge in court, accused of taking film without permission. Which I did NOT do.
I was then barred from the courtroom as I was said to be a supposed witness in the--penalty portion of the trial. All to keep me out. Why are they so scared?
But I made sure to file a paper with the court indicating that I had been falsely accused of taking video. I also mentioned to the judge that I had been part of the case because I happen to be against killing the elderly. Apparently I'm alone in this as Governor Brown is obviously a liar as he did nothing to change elder abuse in California. He appears to clearly not care about the elderly unlike myself.
There very well could be a plea bargain and these elder abusing assholes could get back to work and know that they are untouchable. I won't stop hunting them. And I will start hunting the politicians who let this happen. I'll make a blog for each of them if I have to. In fact, I can see in my mind a blog with Jerry Brown starring in it.
Whatever it takes to make the situation safe for people who don't have the ability or tenacity to fight back.
Brown and his lawyers ignored that I have witnesses they have not even used. Yes, they are basically making shit up as they go along. Well, they won't mind if I create some fabrications of my own. Right?
Does it all happen for a reason?
I can't answer that question. What I can say is that I should not even be here on this planet, I should be dead a hundred times over. But I'm not. And there are certain people who need to worry about it.
There won't be the violence on a physical level, but then I don't need to do that: people are all cowards and have weak points and I happen to be really good at finding them.
There will be a reckoning. And I reckon I'll be the one doing it.
Have a great day bi-polars as there's a change of seasons: after summer they will fall. Laura Hart (the bi-polar reporter is back)
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
The Bi-polar American in Spain continues...
What is she saying?
As we all know children will be forthright and honest and say what others fear to say. One certain nina said to my friend who arranged my trip to London and Spain, "I don't know what that lady is saying." The kid didn't stop there she went on to tag me with the truth: "Why doesn't she know Spanish?"
Who could blame her, she's seven or eight years old and she doesn't want to screw around with an idiot who can't speak HER language. But she soon discovered that I speak "kidspanol" and there's not a child on the face of the earth who can't understand it.
She's absolutely correct, there's no reason I should not have studied harder and learned more Spanish. There's no good excuse for only learning one language, as it's limiting in certain senses--geographically anyway. But I did study heavily the language of humans which is more generalized in certain senses.
Part of the reason children find me so alluring is that I can empathize and see thru their eyes. Notice the last sentence I used the abbreviation for the word "through." Language is changing rapidly and even young Spanish people know what LOL means. They say it like an acronym rather than an abbreviation but it has the same humorous connotation.
As usual, I was overwhelmed by the experience with the children-they got a little hyper on me, but then again, I let them, no regard for my own safety! LOL or my new laughing short cut: muy feliz! MF. LOL (so redundant)
Language is alive
So, are we setting up a universal language within the social networks like facebook and so forth? Most probably. It looks like it to me, and as I coin new phrases on my blogs, such as a word I created for the reporters of our local newspaper, The Kern Valley Sun: Misconscrewbulated. Good word. And this is the reason I say that language has taken on a life of it's own. I'm learning one hell of lesson here in Spain with language. It's one I will never forget.
I'll be talking more about how time is subjective and changes from...time to time. (Lo Siento) Also, language or our ability to communicate with others- how we do this- is a large issue we will watch take on it's own life on this blog. I'm sure that not everyone has noticed I actually went in to take a second look at some of my stories. I could take out the shit, but at this point, the shit for readers still offers me a look at myself--which is an important part of this endeavor.
America my home far away
This is going to sound strange, but we had a sing along and the music was American. "Bye, bye Miss American Pie"-- we all sang it out. However, I suddenly felt homesick. It's been a tough week. There is a certain feeling of isolation that one cannot deny when you don't make more sense than give me food or "yes."
It's humbling.
Out of the blue I suddenly FELT my patriotism on a level I have NEVER felt it before. America is the new world. This is the old world that still has many emotional ties to it's history/traditions which keep it stuck in "time." Noticably American's don't know shit. We don't know what happened to us yesterday let alone in 1776.
(BTW- I take liberties here in gross generalizations. These are just practice swings, so hang on for the real game)
In Spain, there is great regard for it's history, a pride that can't be deterred. But the people of Spain still have to deal with the universal issues the whole fucking world needs to understand.
First, we are trashing our living space with junk from Walmart. (another generalization, just hang with me) Whether that be in America or in Spain or anywhere else.
There has not been significant pollution here in Seville or London, but that isn't going to stay that way if we continue to use petrol based fuels. Unless of course, there is some way to invent around the by-products or filter the hell out of it.
The busses in London which take people back and forth to work, did not have the same lung choking effects that their American counterparts do have. I cannot even drive behind a bus due to choking on the deisel fumes.
Christopher Columbus
Here in Spain, my friend says they actually celebrate Chris Columbus the "bi-polar explorer" with some extensive partying. (They just love to party and I love them for it)
They are not concerned with the effects such as massive killing of indigenous peoples. They had a great explorer who graced other lands with their cultural influence. Looking around the area, I am surrounded by citrus- palm trees- cactus- marble- ceramic tile- it's fucking California.
The train station is filled with all types of people and many of them were wearing the shoes I attempted to buy before I left two weeks ago: Vans. Pronounced here more like, "Vons" I could not find these shoes at any store I tried.
Now, I'm not as bad ass as Chris Columbus, nor do I have the financial backing of Ferdinand and Isabella, but I'm also an explorer.
We are all explorers of our own lives. Some of us are just more dangerous about it. Such as us Bi-polar Americans.
Explorers use the influence of the homeland to bring such things as I described, such as food or types of wood, etc. But they also collect items to take back home. The same goes for me.
My business mind
I cannot bring myself to put my creativity up for sale. That's for another blog. But I do have a capitalist nature and none of the English or Spanish creations have been lost on me. Whether they originated here or not makes no difference to me as I'm only interested in selling them.
But since they have products I have not seen in California, it's time for some research. It's time to potentially put together a business which utilizes certain items I deem to be transferable.
Hey if the kids have my fucking shoes- Vans- then I'm going to concern myself with finding items in my explorations which could be marketed in America.
The Bi-polar Explorer
I've purchased a pair of cargo pants with straight legs which make me look skinny. That's the style here. In fact, I accidentally wore a pair of pants to London which were too damn tight--the pants were also skinny leg makers which I don't like.
A few moments in London and I realized this was their style. Also, a lot of anorexic women in Spain--too skinny. Muy mala.
The film students just made a rap today on their project, so I gave them my email address: Muymala@msn.com
One of them asked me if I had the address before I got here or if I knew what it meant. Fucking hell yeah! It's no secret to anyone around me that I am and live MUY MALA. Now, I get to say it! Awesome.
Spanish language sounds so musical and I love the throat sounds too.
I've promised when I come back to have built a bigger vocabulary so that we can communicate more complex ideas beyond my eating and sleep needs.
But for today I am truly a muy mala and proud of it. And now I get to say it and have others laugh that I can't speak a bit of real Spanish, yet my email address is in Espanol!
Go explore your life, your surroundings, and remember you both take and leave things in this life. Make it good. Laura Hart (Muy Mala!)
As we all know children will be forthright and honest and say what others fear to say. One certain nina said to my friend who arranged my trip to London and Spain, "I don't know what that lady is saying." The kid didn't stop there she went on to tag me with the truth: "Why doesn't she know Spanish?"
Who could blame her, she's seven or eight years old and she doesn't want to screw around with an idiot who can't speak HER language. But she soon discovered that I speak "kidspanol" and there's not a child on the face of the earth who can't understand it.
She's absolutely correct, there's no reason I should not have studied harder and learned more Spanish. There's no good excuse for only learning one language, as it's limiting in certain senses--geographically anyway. But I did study heavily the language of humans which is more generalized in certain senses.
Part of the reason children find me so alluring is that I can empathize and see thru their eyes. Notice the last sentence I used the abbreviation for the word "through." Language is changing rapidly and even young Spanish people know what LOL means. They say it like an acronym rather than an abbreviation but it has the same humorous connotation.
As usual, I was overwhelmed by the experience with the children-they got a little hyper on me, but then again, I let them, no regard for my own safety! LOL or my new laughing short cut: muy feliz! MF. LOL (so redundant)
Language is alive
So, are we setting up a universal language within the social networks like facebook and so forth? Most probably. It looks like it to me, and as I coin new phrases on my blogs, such as a word I created for the reporters of our local newspaper, The Kern Valley Sun: Misconscrewbulated. Good word. And this is the reason I say that language has taken on a life of it's own. I'm learning one hell of lesson here in Spain with language. It's one I will never forget.
I'll be talking more about how time is subjective and changes from...time to time. (Lo Siento) Also, language or our ability to communicate with others- how we do this- is a large issue we will watch take on it's own life on this blog. I'm sure that not everyone has noticed I actually went in to take a second look at some of my stories. I could take out the shit, but at this point, the shit for readers still offers me a look at myself--which is an important part of this endeavor.
America my home far away
This is going to sound strange, but we had a sing along and the music was American. "Bye, bye Miss American Pie"-- we all sang it out. However, I suddenly felt homesick. It's been a tough week. There is a certain feeling of isolation that one cannot deny when you don't make more sense than give me food or "yes."
It's humbling.
Out of the blue I suddenly FELT my patriotism on a level I have NEVER felt it before. America is the new world. This is the old world that still has many emotional ties to it's history/traditions which keep it stuck in "time." Noticably American's don't know shit. We don't know what happened to us yesterday let alone in 1776.
(BTW- I take liberties here in gross generalizations. These are just practice swings, so hang on for the real game)
In Spain, there is great regard for it's history, a pride that can't be deterred. But the people of Spain still have to deal with the universal issues the whole fucking world needs to understand.
First, we are trashing our living space with junk from Walmart. (another generalization, just hang with me) Whether that be in America or in Spain or anywhere else.
There has not been significant pollution here in Seville or London, but that isn't going to stay that way if we continue to use petrol based fuels. Unless of course, there is some way to invent around the by-products or filter the hell out of it.
The busses in London which take people back and forth to work, did not have the same lung choking effects that their American counterparts do have. I cannot even drive behind a bus due to choking on the deisel fumes.
Christopher Columbus
Here in Spain, my friend says they actually celebrate Chris Columbus the "bi-polar explorer" with some extensive partying. (They just love to party and I love them for it)
They are not concerned with the effects such as massive killing of indigenous peoples. They had a great explorer who graced other lands with their cultural influence. Looking around the area, I am surrounded by citrus- palm trees- cactus- marble- ceramic tile- it's fucking California.
The train station is filled with all types of people and many of them were wearing the shoes I attempted to buy before I left two weeks ago: Vans. Pronounced here more like, "Vons" I could not find these shoes at any store I tried.
Now, I'm not as bad ass as Chris Columbus, nor do I have the financial backing of Ferdinand and Isabella, but I'm also an explorer.
We are all explorers of our own lives. Some of us are just more dangerous about it. Such as us Bi-polar Americans.
Explorers use the influence of the homeland to bring such things as I described, such as food or types of wood, etc. But they also collect items to take back home. The same goes for me.
My business mind
I cannot bring myself to put my creativity up for sale. That's for another blog. But I do have a capitalist nature and none of the English or Spanish creations have been lost on me. Whether they originated here or not makes no difference to me as I'm only interested in selling them.
But since they have products I have not seen in California, it's time for some research. It's time to potentially put together a business which utilizes certain items I deem to be transferable.
Hey if the kids have my fucking shoes- Vans- then I'm going to concern myself with finding items in my explorations which could be marketed in America.
The Bi-polar Explorer
I've purchased a pair of cargo pants with straight legs which make me look skinny. That's the style here. In fact, I accidentally wore a pair of pants to London which were too damn tight--the pants were also skinny leg makers which I don't like.
A few moments in London and I realized this was their style. Also, a lot of anorexic women in Spain--too skinny. Muy mala.
The film students just made a rap today on their project, so I gave them my email address: Muymala@msn.com
One of them asked me if I had the address before I got here or if I knew what it meant. Fucking hell yeah! It's no secret to anyone around me that I am and live MUY MALA. Now, I get to say it! Awesome.
Spanish language sounds so musical and I love the throat sounds too.
I've promised when I come back to have built a bigger vocabulary so that we can communicate more complex ideas beyond my eating and sleep needs.
But for today I am truly a muy mala and proud of it. And now I get to say it and have others laugh that I can't speak a bit of real Spanish, yet my email address is in Espanol!
Go explore your life, your surroundings, and remember you both take and leave things in this life. Make it good. Laura Hart (Muy Mala!)
Monday, March 26, 2012
The Lioness she called me...
All in the family
The great part of this trip to Spain has to be the family that I have the grand opportunity to stay with in their home. They are so fantastic that they don't care that I can't fucking speak a single, intelligent word of Spanish, we are uniting in expressing ourselves with our hands- faces- and feelings.
A huge fight took place between a mother and daughter. How fucking standard is that? I could probably stay in a hut with Indians from remote areas of South America and a fight would break out between family members over something--not chewing your palm frawn properly or whatever. However, with the Spanish temper it certainly took on new dimensions, but it was so darn understandable that I was entertained.
I'm beginning to understand the relativity of this trip over here: there is nothing different except the language and that is beginning to wane as we have found other ways to communicate. If I stayed here long enough I would quickly learn the language. Being immersed in it is one way to "sink or swim" style of learning it.
An insomniac in Spain
I've been fucking sleeping like a baby. I'm so exhausted due to the constant issue of translating at all times that I pass out. However, there were sleep quarter issues which kept me awake all night. Grumpy, MUY MALA this morning. (Yes, I love to use those words I have longed to use.)
However, due to the custom of eating a large lunch and then taking a nap, I'm saved! I love this schedule, why it was made for me. I stay up late, eating and drinking all night, then wake up to the idea that I only have a few hours before a big meal and then I'm back to bed. Now most Spainards do not go to bed, they simply nap on the couch or in a chair. I'm taking true advantage of the schedule.
In fact this current post is cutting in on my sleep as we are going to have people over later tonight for food, drink and song, so I need to speed this up.
How I appear to them
It's an intense situation here and I love it as it is great for those who live in the moment. I can't leave the moment as the environment itself challenges me constantly.
But we had a conversation about my hair the other day. My friend and her aunt were discussing what to do about it, and I was lost in translation. Her aunt looked me over like a fish in the marketplace, scanning for a sign of what to do. My hair is seriously frizzed and it started in London. So my hair would not be changed but the funny part was when she descrided me as "the lioness."
I got the distinct impression she meant a lion's mane, but that was not important, it was too cool to have that monicker to utilize.
Last night after our afternoon naps, my friend's aunt and uncle took me for a stroll around the area to a point I could get a panoramic view of the cities. Seville is not too far off of this suburb known as San Paublo.
The air was filled with the smell of orange blossoms as the citruis trees are growing all throughout the city. My friend's uncle was translating to me that he feels "drunk" of the intense odor. It's spring in Spain much like California, same weather pattern.
While we were walking some of the teenagers I had met before, the one's who were not insane, followed us around. They waited until they found us standing on the hill under terraces of vines looking out over the vista.
They also apparently have a crush on me. My friends aunt and uncle got a kick out of my fans following me around. I'm much older than they think I am. Not 25 - as one of them guessed and changed it to 17. LOL
It's time for the lioness to lay down on the Serrenghetti and take a nap as the sun is hot.
Buenas Tardes amigos! Laura Hart The Bi-polar American in Spain continues...(when I wake up, of course)
The great part of this trip to Spain has to be the family that I have the grand opportunity to stay with in their home. They are so fantastic that they don't care that I can't fucking speak a single, intelligent word of Spanish, we are uniting in expressing ourselves with our hands- faces- and feelings.
A huge fight took place between a mother and daughter. How fucking standard is that? I could probably stay in a hut with Indians from remote areas of South America and a fight would break out between family members over something--not chewing your palm frawn properly or whatever. However, with the Spanish temper it certainly took on new dimensions, but it was so darn understandable that I was entertained.
I'm beginning to understand the relativity of this trip over here: there is nothing different except the language and that is beginning to wane as we have found other ways to communicate. If I stayed here long enough I would quickly learn the language. Being immersed in it is one way to "sink or swim" style of learning it.
An insomniac in Spain
I've been fucking sleeping like a baby. I'm so exhausted due to the constant issue of translating at all times that I pass out. However, there were sleep quarter issues which kept me awake all night. Grumpy, MUY MALA this morning. (Yes, I love to use those words I have longed to use.)
However, due to the custom of eating a large lunch and then taking a nap, I'm saved! I love this schedule, why it was made for me. I stay up late, eating and drinking all night, then wake up to the idea that I only have a few hours before a big meal and then I'm back to bed. Now most Spainards do not go to bed, they simply nap on the couch or in a chair. I'm taking true advantage of the schedule.
In fact this current post is cutting in on my sleep as we are going to have people over later tonight for food, drink and song, so I need to speed this up.
How I appear to them
It's an intense situation here and I love it as it is great for those who live in the moment. I can't leave the moment as the environment itself challenges me constantly.
But we had a conversation about my hair the other day. My friend and her aunt were discussing what to do about it, and I was lost in translation. Her aunt looked me over like a fish in the marketplace, scanning for a sign of what to do. My hair is seriously frizzed and it started in London. So my hair would not be changed but the funny part was when she descrided me as "the lioness."
I got the distinct impression she meant a lion's mane, but that was not important, it was too cool to have that monicker to utilize.
Last night after our afternoon naps, my friend's aunt and uncle took me for a stroll around the area to a point I could get a panoramic view of the cities. Seville is not too far off of this suburb known as San Paublo.
The air was filled with the smell of orange blossoms as the citruis trees are growing all throughout the city. My friend's uncle was translating to me that he feels "drunk" of the intense odor. It's spring in Spain much like California, same weather pattern.
While we were walking some of the teenagers I had met before, the one's who were not insane, followed us around. They waited until they found us standing on the hill under terraces of vines looking out over the vista.
They also apparently have a crush on me. My friends aunt and uncle got a kick out of my fans following me around. I'm much older than they think I am. Not 25 - as one of them guessed and changed it to 17. LOL
It's time for the lioness to lay down on the Serrenghetti and take a nap as the sun is hot.
Buenas Tardes amigos! Laura Hart The Bi-polar American in Spain continues...(when I wake up, of course)
Saturday, March 24, 2012
How to say "Bi-polar" in Espanol?
Welcome to Spain!
God help the Spainards as there is a bi-polar in town who knows no language except her own. The first day I had tons of enthusiasm and there was hardly anything which could stop me, including the language barrier. There seemed to be only similarities between people - families - arguing over typical problems.
Okay, I do have a "Rosetta Stone" with me as my friend was raised traveling back and forth from California to Spain over summers and holidays, so she can speak it, and even with an accent worthy of the local region.
But that's no fun, I wanted to know how it felt to be an English speaker among the natives. So, I launched my visit here by taking off with my friend's Aunt (tia) who spoke no English. We were quite the pair. She is so funny, so demonstrative, that I actually understood a good portion of what she was trying to convey to me.
There are no casual conversations as everything we try to communicate requires work. Mucho Trabajo! I do remember or know, some Spanish, hell we all know some Spanish as it's all around us. "Lave Las Manos," seen in every bathroom (banos) of every fast food joint in California.
The fucking Spanish rule the world, it's everywhere. I had no idea that I would find such a gold mine of Spanish in my brain. Okay, admittedly a gold mine for me consists of a lot of nouns (perro, gato, comida, etc) and several partially congugated verbs (Yo tengo, trabajo). Of course, greetings are rather well known; Hasta Luego - Buenos Noches - Adios fucking amigos...
It's just another manic Lunes...
The first few days were trying to fit my broken Spanish into conversations and a lot of playing with my hands and looking for things to point at. Hey, it's a truly humbling experience to be in a country where you do not speak the language. Americans are so fucked up in that we think it's okay to simply "force" our language upon those who visit or relocate to our country.
But it also brings up the fact that language is alive and kicking. We all really speak our own "brand" or "style" and it has a lot to do with the local region we speak to in our daily lives. My language skills or lack thereof, come from my life, my feelings and such. So do everyone else's. That is what I'm learning right now.
And body language is muy important as I have that to totally rely on in certain situations as occurred last night.
Going to a park, actually waiting for someone to return by train, I took the dog for a walk. By the way, that fucker doesn't understand me any better than anyone else. The dog is a brute, though afraid of the gatos, and apparently teenagers.
They were only kids but it said alot...
Last night I realized that it's about communicating beyond words when I was approached by a whole group of kids. The younger ones were studying English and found me a good sounding board for their practice. I didn't mind too much, but the teenages became a problem.
If you read this blog or know me, you will likely know I'm kind of partial to the company of young people, as I try to support them as they are going to take over the world some day.
Things got out of hand at the park as their were too many of them, approaching me, asking me to say their names in English. Before I could get a handle on them, they were in mass, too many at once. The teenagers stepped up to move out the younger crowd and then it got weird.
Since I was alone I had to be careful as these were someone's kids. Mostly teenage boys, who wanted to know if I had a boyfriend, and if I didn't they were offering themselves. I had no verbs or nouns for "I'm waiting for someone on the train" or even "fuck off I'm looking around and you're annoying me" I had nothing. That's when a teenage girl appeared. She had a lot of attitude and decided to try to one up me in front of the boys.
Well, the goddam dog pushed his head to her butt and knocked her around a bit. She came up angry. The only word I could think when I looked into her eyes was "impish." What the fuck good would that word do me as it was untranslatable at that moment. But it did tell me she was street smart, not much education unlike the younger kids, but she was intelligent no doubt. And she was angry too.
She made a mistake as she decided to fuck with me. I had not expected to have my first experience in Spain with a teenager to be one I did not know how to handle. A young, pretty, smart girl needed to do this? Jeezus.
Tug of war is "tug of war" in any country
I'm a fucking American, trying to modify my responses for other people is not going to change that fact. And having someone pull me or touch me isn't going to do much except piss me off. I'm not a big fan of being assailed by strangers, especially those who are cussing me out in another language.
She made fun of my Spanish as I tried to calm the situation. It was "Bull" the dog who started this, I decided after a whole night of reflection. But the girl made the choice to touch me. In fact, she pulled at my arm, rather strongly. I looked deep into her eyes, while sending the message you're a buzzkill, to let go immediately of my arm.
Without verbal language it all came down to understanding the rest of the signals. I stood down a mountain lion and that SOB wasn't speaking English either, so I had to deal with a young female Spainard with the same regard.
Much like with the mountain lion, I postured my body without thinking about it. My back straight, my eyes zoomed in on the girl, I made sure she got the idea to back off or try to wrangle me. But unlike the mountain lion who was a real dick too, this young girl did not understand the amount of self control I was using not to pick her up and throw her insolent ass into the fountain. She persisted and we ended up in a stand off.
Same situation - different country
My eyes scanned all of the teenagers, maybe ten or so at this point, and I realized they are in the same situation as any American kid, lack of opportunity, time on their hands, and the current human condition, I'll talk about more later.
Right now, I'm sitting around talking to some young film students from the university. We have had a lot of listening to my broken Spanish, now it's time to teach some fucking American. No, mutherfuckers, I don't speak English, I speak Bi-polar American.
My friend and I recalled last night about the phrase I coined some years ago: " Group hug mutherfuckers." That's what I'm teaching.
Adios blog readers! From the Bi-polar American currently in Spain!
God help the Spainards as there is a bi-polar in town who knows no language except her own. The first day I had tons of enthusiasm and there was hardly anything which could stop me, including the language barrier. There seemed to be only similarities between people - families - arguing over typical problems.
Okay, I do have a "Rosetta Stone" with me as my friend was raised traveling back and forth from California to Spain over summers and holidays, so she can speak it, and even with an accent worthy of the local region.
But that's no fun, I wanted to know how it felt to be an English speaker among the natives. So, I launched my visit here by taking off with my friend's Aunt (tia) who spoke no English. We were quite the pair. She is so funny, so demonstrative, that I actually understood a good portion of what she was trying to convey to me.
There are no casual conversations as everything we try to communicate requires work. Mucho Trabajo! I do remember or know, some Spanish, hell we all know some Spanish as it's all around us. "Lave Las Manos," seen in every bathroom (banos) of every fast food joint in California.
The fucking Spanish rule the world, it's everywhere. I had no idea that I would find such a gold mine of Spanish in my brain. Okay, admittedly a gold mine for me consists of a lot of nouns (perro, gato, comida, etc) and several partially congugated verbs (Yo tengo, trabajo). Of course, greetings are rather well known; Hasta Luego - Buenos Noches - Adios fucking amigos...
It's just another manic Lunes...
The first few days were trying to fit my broken Spanish into conversations and a lot of playing with my hands and looking for things to point at. Hey, it's a truly humbling experience to be in a country where you do not speak the language. Americans are so fucked up in that we think it's okay to simply "force" our language upon those who visit or relocate to our country.
But it also brings up the fact that language is alive and kicking. We all really speak our own "brand" or "style" and it has a lot to do with the local region we speak to in our daily lives. My language skills or lack thereof, come from my life, my feelings and such. So do everyone else's. That is what I'm learning right now.
And body language is muy important as I have that to totally rely on in certain situations as occurred last night.
Going to a park, actually waiting for someone to return by train, I took the dog for a walk. By the way, that fucker doesn't understand me any better than anyone else. The dog is a brute, though afraid of the gatos, and apparently teenagers.
They were only kids but it said alot...
Last night I realized that it's about communicating beyond words when I was approached by a whole group of kids. The younger ones were studying English and found me a good sounding board for their practice. I didn't mind too much, but the teenages became a problem.
If you read this blog or know me, you will likely know I'm kind of partial to the company of young people, as I try to support them as they are going to take over the world some day.
Things got out of hand at the park as their were too many of them, approaching me, asking me to say their names in English. Before I could get a handle on them, they were in mass, too many at once. The teenagers stepped up to move out the younger crowd and then it got weird.
Since I was alone I had to be careful as these were someone's kids. Mostly teenage boys, who wanted to know if I had a boyfriend, and if I didn't they were offering themselves. I had no verbs or nouns for "I'm waiting for someone on the train" or even "fuck off I'm looking around and you're annoying me" I had nothing. That's when a teenage girl appeared. She had a lot of attitude and decided to try to one up me in front of the boys.
Well, the goddam dog pushed his head to her butt and knocked her around a bit. She came up angry. The only word I could think when I looked into her eyes was "impish." What the fuck good would that word do me as it was untranslatable at that moment. But it did tell me she was street smart, not much education unlike the younger kids, but she was intelligent no doubt. And she was angry too.
She made a mistake as she decided to fuck with me. I had not expected to have my first experience in Spain with a teenager to be one I did not know how to handle. A young, pretty, smart girl needed to do this? Jeezus.
Tug of war is "tug of war" in any country
I'm a fucking American, trying to modify my responses for other people is not going to change that fact. And having someone pull me or touch me isn't going to do much except piss me off. I'm not a big fan of being assailed by strangers, especially those who are cussing me out in another language.
She made fun of my Spanish as I tried to calm the situation. It was "Bull" the dog who started this, I decided after a whole night of reflection. But the girl made the choice to touch me. In fact, she pulled at my arm, rather strongly. I looked deep into her eyes, while sending the message you're a buzzkill, to let go immediately of my arm.
Without verbal language it all came down to understanding the rest of the signals. I stood down a mountain lion and that SOB wasn't speaking English either, so I had to deal with a young female Spainard with the same regard.
Much like with the mountain lion, I postured my body without thinking about it. My back straight, my eyes zoomed in on the girl, I made sure she got the idea to back off or try to wrangle me. But unlike the mountain lion who was a real dick too, this young girl did not understand the amount of self control I was using not to pick her up and throw her insolent ass into the fountain. She persisted and we ended up in a stand off.
Same situation - different country
My eyes scanned all of the teenagers, maybe ten or so at this point, and I realized they are in the same situation as any American kid, lack of opportunity, time on their hands, and the current human condition, I'll talk about more later.
Right now, I'm sitting around talking to some young film students from the university. We have had a lot of listening to my broken Spanish, now it's time to teach some fucking American. No, mutherfuckers, I don't speak English, I speak Bi-polar American.
My friend and I recalled last night about the phrase I coined some years ago: " Group hug mutherfuckers." That's what I'm teaching.
Adios blog readers! From the Bi-polar American currently in Spain!
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
The Devil is in the details...
Life is a dream but you must live it daily
What a concept, and one I have been acquainting myself with recently. It seems I want to start the tale of my life since the day I remember waking up in jail last Thanksgiving. Though many of my friends would prefer I use a euphemism instead of the bare bones notion that I spent some time in lock down. LOL
It still makes me laugh when I think how uncomfortable people are about certain issues. I can laugh because I still suffer from being human on a regular basis. Why discomfort can be quite illuminating.
Since we have established the time frame, I will tell you that when I returned home I had issues with time. I could not conceive of time, was confused by it. There is still a digital clock sitting below the chair in my bedroom. I used this clock to come back into time. It was my little time machine, it was. (how many times can I use the word time, this time???)
This clock played games with my mind. If I didn't mention it before, everyone I spoke with for the first week, would be told prior to our conversation, what time was on the clock. I was riveted to this clock, amused by it, insecure without it.
At one point I had engaged in some activity that really didn't suit my mood. Time seemed to slow down. I'd turn my head to the clock, see 10:15, what would seem like hours would pass, then I'd check again and it would be 10:16. I would roar with laughter as if the universe was showing me something funny.
When I would be engaged in something that I enjoyed time would take off and I would be thinking of feeding my body again. "Wow, it took two hours to read that story."
There it was, the buzz kill. I had to take care of my body, so much time had passed and my body was again in need of nourishment, hydration. "Dammit!"
Oh, the simplicity of not having a body. But then there's the issue of what quality of life there would be with out a body. LOL
This is why I say the devil is in the details. We are incredible beings, so creative. And so enamored with our creations, such as time.
I have fond memories of playing with my time machine.
As I wrestled with my sleep issues one night, I woke up and quickly looked at the digital numbers as this was my security - the time. It was after 5 am and the sun would be rising in an hour. I was distraught and laid awake for...a long time. When suddenly I woke up, again, and it was 3 am.
"Oh shit!"
I traveled back in time. LOL
What I'm describing here is something that I had not considered to be funny or amusing before this episode. Let me tell you time is a riot, I've never laughed so much.
But when the "time comes" you must get up, do your damnedest and "put in a good life." C'mon, we are here for the fun of it. Watch the clock and see for yourself how "time" has a sense of humor.
And don't forget the devil is in the details. Okay, it's not the "devil" but it's the drudgery of life that we sometimes have to "mind" our bodies. LOL (I do love language and it is alive just like time)
Be here now in a timely fashion. Have a great day! Laura Hart (time immemorial)
What a concept, and one I have been acquainting myself with recently. It seems I want to start the tale of my life since the day I remember waking up in jail last Thanksgiving. Though many of my friends would prefer I use a euphemism instead of the bare bones notion that I spent some time in lock down. LOL
It still makes me laugh when I think how uncomfortable people are about certain issues. I can laugh because I still suffer from being human on a regular basis. Why discomfort can be quite illuminating.
Since we have established the time frame, I will tell you that when I returned home I had issues with time. I could not conceive of time, was confused by it. There is still a digital clock sitting below the chair in my bedroom. I used this clock to come back into time. It was my little time machine, it was. (how many times can I use the word time, this time???)
This clock played games with my mind. If I didn't mention it before, everyone I spoke with for the first week, would be told prior to our conversation, what time was on the clock. I was riveted to this clock, amused by it, insecure without it.
At one point I had engaged in some activity that really didn't suit my mood. Time seemed to slow down. I'd turn my head to the clock, see 10:15, what would seem like hours would pass, then I'd check again and it would be 10:16. I would roar with laughter as if the universe was showing me something funny.
When I would be engaged in something that I enjoyed time would take off and I would be thinking of feeding my body again. "Wow, it took two hours to read that story."
There it was, the buzz kill. I had to take care of my body, so much time had passed and my body was again in need of nourishment, hydration. "Dammit!"
Oh, the simplicity of not having a body. But then there's the issue of what quality of life there would be with out a body. LOL
This is why I say the devil is in the details. We are incredible beings, so creative. And so enamored with our creations, such as time.
I have fond memories of playing with my time machine.
As I wrestled with my sleep issues one night, I woke up and quickly looked at the digital numbers as this was my security - the time. It was after 5 am and the sun would be rising in an hour. I was distraught and laid awake for...a long time. When suddenly I woke up, again, and it was 3 am.
"Oh shit!"
I traveled back in time. LOL
What I'm describing here is something that I had not considered to be funny or amusing before this episode. Let me tell you time is a riot, I've never laughed so much.
But when the "time comes" you must get up, do your damnedest and "put in a good life." C'mon, we are here for the fun of it. Watch the clock and see for yourself how "time" has a sense of humor.
And don't forget the devil is in the details. Okay, it's not the "devil" but it's the drudgery of life that we sometimes have to "mind" our bodies. LOL (I do love language and it is alive just like time)
Be here now in a timely fashion. Have a great day! Laura Hart (time immemorial)
I know some will find this whole blog disturbing...at some point
That's the way it is...
I've reflected on the beginnings, the origins of this blog, remembering my brother asking me to "come out" as bi-polar so "he" could feel more comfortable in the world. It's funny, I do these things people ask of me without question.
Okay, I'll expose my whole life and garner a bunch of horrified responses as most of our people are not quite ready to see themselves with such "high def" vision.
It's incredibly painful some of this--emotionally so. I think the reader suffers also. And well you should. lol
I've had the opportunity to lay around listlessly today studying my life. Some may like to meditate, while us bi-polars prefer to vomit our way into good mental health.
In sickness and in health...
I have a construction of the mind that my head hurts, my stomach aches for attention and my viscera swirl with emotion. Ssshhh, don't tell anyone but being sick gives us the time to reflect and look inward. It's a social diversion.
There is still so much resistance to being set free. I guess we as a human race were enjoying being in a trance for eons. But there is definitely a swing in another direction. And thank Scooter, as I was getting really bored. lol
Since I choose not to disconnect from the social structures completely, I have to ride out episodes such as sickness to be allowed my time for deep thought/prayer. I've noted over the years, when I've been in a state of great change, that it disturbs others.
Hence, the title of this post--this will all be disturbing at some point. It is for me. And I graciously accept the challenge. The challenge of living among you who prefer a prefab existence to an actively creative one.
You want to "play your role" on this stage and get on with it. I don't. Yet, I apologize as I don't really mean to make people uncomfortable. Oh hell, it's fun to make people uncomfortable and really some of you have set yourselves up as easy targets. Almost anyone clinging to any sort of bible, Christian or otherwise, have not come to a point of living without a crutch.
If you are hoping that this deep sentiment will save you from discomfort, will enlighten you without having to strip down to your skivvies--then you haven't lived yet!
People who live in glass houses should watch out for my high notes as they will shatter the very foundation you have built your whole life on. lol
Ruff! Ruff!
There are still some people who enjoy the dogma, the rules of life created by others from another time. Okay, if you really need to go ahead and be miserable--have fun.
You won't find me telling you what to believe on this blog. I'll challenge your belief systems, but I won't give you another belief system to replace the old one.
How do you live like that?
Some people have thoroughly questioned my thinking and lifestyle and they appear to believe I have come up "short" somehow. I can feel the pain when others try to fit me into some partitioned box from the rest of the world. I don't fit snugly or neatly into any of your categories--except maybe F5. lol
Here let's be honest and let me tell you what people have labeled me in my life. This is just a partial list starting from my childhood: A brat-- Smart mouth--spoiled--stupid--too smart for my own good--looking for a slap on the mouth--troublemaker--princess--my behavior could "drive Christ down from the cross" (strictly a Catholic thing)--tomboy--I think I'm funny--slob--unreal--who do I think I am anyway--needs attention--a drop out--sickly--hell bent on destruction--gay--straight--different--pain in the ass--impulsive--train wreck--roller coaster--disaster waiting to happen!
There are so many labels that have come my way via the other people in my life. I have my own take on who I've been, but it is sometimes radically different than the way I'm perceived. But it also has to do with who is doing the perceiving.
You can see people have mostly been negative in their interpretations. But on the other side there are those who think of me in a more positive light--people who have accepted me and likely themselves.
Life is served...
No thank you is what I said when the roles were passed around. The roles I preferred to play were more outcast types of stints as I was really quite bored with the way others would think and live. Please understand this is nothing personal, I just like to live it my way. (Yes Frank Sinatra and I)
I'll never forget when my mother bought a picture and hung it on my wall, depicting young blonde, girl, who was somewhat masculine--dressed casually--and the caption read: "You do your thing and I'll do mine."
It seemed like a reasonable deal--I'm doing my thing while you have your freedom too. However, it has come to my attention in the past half a century of life, that rarely do people think that is a good trade. No, they would rather "you do their thing and they will too" and we will all live without fear or differences.
For me and my life, this has been a real challenge to try and maintain my own autonomy while allowing others to remain "comfortable." Now you know how this whole blog started. My sister would tell me that I'm just really co-dependent and need to a attend "meetings."
Fucking I don't care anymore, but you out there in the "other world" will soon. Life is about to challenge the people of this time, past the age of reason, to look at the slippery nature of reality. Woops, I thought I had it!
When language doesn't mean anything--when the signs are not directing you--when there is no trail to follow--no definitive role to play--you will be unsettled, unable to function. If you've thought you've done the "right things" with your life and you will somehow be compensated for your troubles in the afterlife: good luck.
Keep the faith...
I still would like to make that deal with the world, that I'm allowed to do my thing, and everyone else feel free to do yours. One exception: if it has to do with curtailing my choices.
Faith is a practice, an activity, that is employed in life. As many times as I discussed faith with other people or read about it, the true nature of faith is only known by allowing all of the world to be what it is.
I'm learning more and more about faith. Of course, I did ask about it--pray about it--constantly for almost 50 years. I suppose I should know something. Or at least I have some results to analyze.
It's an on-going practice. Let me tell you though, it feels so good--it still gives me chills--when I realize the difference between a construct known as logic and the lack of action that has to do with faith. When I suddenly in the middle of washing the dishes want to go call someone and they say, "wow, I was just thinking about you," I feel so in tune with it all.
No pain, no gain?
For someone so enamored with my painful experiences, it's likely you won't understand that I say it's with ease and comfort that the "faith-ful" go along in life--even when there's nothing comfortable about it. If that makes sense then you will likely not be one of the people who is disturbed by the contents of this blog.
Congratulations! Or not.
The Bi-polar American in London
Well, I didn't get far physically or as a tourist today, though the chemist sent my friend home with a few local remedies for the crud we "like" to get once in a while. However, I've enjoyed the hell out of today, drinking "liquids" as we call our drinks when we are ill, and flopped out on the bed-wondering-thinking-praying--and of course, laughing.
My friend made up a remedy for our crud. We sat in the bathroom with the shower running, some eucalyptus powder soothing our swollen sinuses-and then we added marijuana smoke to the mix and well...it was fun. I feel great, but then again, I accepted my state of mind and just enjoyed it anyway--remedy or not.
Yes, I've seen Westminster Abbey, I've ridden across the Tower and London bridges, taken in untold amounts of statues, but you know what sticks with me? The guy in the information booth directing people for the underground "tube" or subway.
"How's it going" I said the familiar phrase I use regularly when I'm home in California. This guy just stared at me. He wanted me to correct it and use the style he was used to hearing. It was a stand off. I knew I did not say it the way he was comfortable, but I thought maybe he would accommodate me.
Not for a second. He stared at me as if I were somehow an idiot, or at least an irritant, but I refused to back down by rephrasing my original greeting. He finally began talking and hardly cared what he was saying. I found my way out even without his help or approval of my language choices.
People are nothing but interesting to me.
Tomorrow we are to fly to Spain so there is another adventure on the way. I'll be back to talk about the things that kept me occupied today. And some old stories came up that are interesting so I'll make sure to post a blog just on bi-polar stories.
I've reflected on the beginnings, the origins of this blog, remembering my brother asking me to "come out" as bi-polar so "he" could feel more comfortable in the world. It's funny, I do these things people ask of me without question.
Okay, I'll expose my whole life and garner a bunch of horrified responses as most of our people are not quite ready to see themselves with such "high def" vision.
It's incredibly painful some of this--emotionally so. I think the reader suffers also. And well you should. lol
I've had the opportunity to lay around listlessly today studying my life. Some may like to meditate, while us bi-polars prefer to vomit our way into good mental health.
In sickness and in health...
I have a construction of the mind that my head hurts, my stomach aches for attention and my viscera swirl with emotion. Ssshhh, don't tell anyone but being sick gives us the time to reflect and look inward. It's a social diversion.
There is still so much resistance to being set free. I guess we as a human race were enjoying being in a trance for eons. But there is definitely a swing in another direction. And thank Scooter, as I was getting really bored. lol
Since I choose not to disconnect from the social structures completely, I have to ride out episodes such as sickness to be allowed my time for deep thought/prayer. I've noted over the years, when I've been in a state of great change, that it disturbs others.
Hence, the title of this post--this will all be disturbing at some point. It is for me. And I graciously accept the challenge. The challenge of living among you who prefer a prefab existence to an actively creative one.
You want to "play your role" on this stage and get on with it. I don't. Yet, I apologize as I don't really mean to make people uncomfortable. Oh hell, it's fun to make people uncomfortable and really some of you have set yourselves up as easy targets. Almost anyone clinging to any sort of bible, Christian or otherwise, have not come to a point of living without a crutch.
If you are hoping that this deep sentiment will save you from discomfort, will enlighten you without having to strip down to your skivvies--then you haven't lived yet!
People who live in glass houses should watch out for my high notes as they will shatter the very foundation you have built your whole life on. lol
Ruff! Ruff!
There are still some people who enjoy the dogma, the rules of life created by others from another time. Okay, if you really need to go ahead and be miserable--have fun.
You won't find me telling you what to believe on this blog. I'll challenge your belief systems, but I won't give you another belief system to replace the old one.
How do you live like that?
Some people have thoroughly questioned my thinking and lifestyle and they appear to believe I have come up "short" somehow. I can feel the pain when others try to fit me into some partitioned box from the rest of the world. I don't fit snugly or neatly into any of your categories--except maybe F5. lol
Here let's be honest and let me tell you what people have labeled me in my life. This is just a partial list starting from my childhood: A brat-- Smart mouth--spoiled--stupid--too smart for my own good--looking for a slap on the mouth--troublemaker--princess--my behavior could "drive Christ down from the cross" (strictly a Catholic thing)--tomboy--I think I'm funny--slob--unreal--who do I think I am anyway--needs attention--a drop out--sickly--hell bent on destruction--gay--straight--different--pain in the ass--impulsive--train wreck--roller coaster--disaster waiting to happen!
There are so many labels that have come my way via the other people in my life. I have my own take on who I've been, but it is sometimes radically different than the way I'm perceived. But it also has to do with who is doing the perceiving.
You can see people have mostly been negative in their interpretations. But on the other side there are those who think of me in a more positive light--people who have accepted me and likely themselves.
Life is served...
No thank you is what I said when the roles were passed around. The roles I preferred to play were more outcast types of stints as I was really quite bored with the way others would think and live. Please understand this is nothing personal, I just like to live it my way. (Yes Frank Sinatra and I)
I'll never forget when my mother bought a picture and hung it on my wall, depicting young blonde, girl, who was somewhat masculine--dressed casually--and the caption read: "You do your thing and I'll do mine."
It seemed like a reasonable deal--I'm doing my thing while you have your freedom too. However, it has come to my attention in the past half a century of life, that rarely do people think that is a good trade. No, they would rather "you do their thing and they will too" and we will all live without fear or differences.
For me and my life, this has been a real challenge to try and maintain my own autonomy while allowing others to remain "comfortable." Now you know how this whole blog started. My sister would tell me that I'm just really co-dependent and need to a attend "meetings."
Fucking I don't care anymore, but you out there in the "other world" will soon. Life is about to challenge the people of this time, past the age of reason, to look at the slippery nature of reality. Woops, I thought I had it!
When language doesn't mean anything--when the signs are not directing you--when there is no trail to follow--no definitive role to play--you will be unsettled, unable to function. If you've thought you've done the "right things" with your life and you will somehow be compensated for your troubles in the afterlife: good luck.
Keep the faith...
I still would like to make that deal with the world, that I'm allowed to do my thing, and everyone else feel free to do yours. One exception: if it has to do with curtailing my choices.
Faith is a practice, an activity, that is employed in life. As many times as I discussed faith with other people or read about it, the true nature of faith is only known by allowing all of the world to be what it is.
I'm learning more and more about faith. Of course, I did ask about it--pray about it--constantly for almost 50 years. I suppose I should know something. Or at least I have some results to analyze.
It's an on-going practice. Let me tell you though, it feels so good--it still gives me chills--when I realize the difference between a construct known as logic and the lack of action that has to do with faith. When I suddenly in the middle of washing the dishes want to go call someone and they say, "wow, I was just thinking about you," I feel so in tune with it all.
No pain, no gain?
For someone so enamored with my painful experiences, it's likely you won't understand that I say it's with ease and comfort that the "faith-ful" go along in life--even when there's nothing comfortable about it. If that makes sense then you will likely not be one of the people who is disturbed by the contents of this blog.
Congratulations! Or not.
The Bi-polar American in London
Well, I didn't get far physically or as a tourist today, though the chemist sent my friend home with a few local remedies for the crud we "like" to get once in a while. However, I've enjoyed the hell out of today, drinking "liquids" as we call our drinks when we are ill, and flopped out on the bed-wondering-thinking-praying--and of course, laughing.
My friend made up a remedy for our crud. We sat in the bathroom with the shower running, some eucalyptus powder soothing our swollen sinuses-and then we added marijuana smoke to the mix and well...it was fun. I feel great, but then again, I accepted my state of mind and just enjoyed it anyway--remedy or not.
Yes, I've seen Westminster Abbey, I've ridden across the Tower and London bridges, taken in untold amounts of statues, but you know what sticks with me? The guy in the information booth directing people for the underground "tube" or subway.
"How's it going" I said the familiar phrase I use regularly when I'm home in California. This guy just stared at me. He wanted me to correct it and use the style he was used to hearing. It was a stand off. I knew I did not say it the way he was comfortable, but I thought maybe he would accommodate me.
Not for a second. He stared at me as if I were somehow an idiot, or at least an irritant, but I refused to back down by rephrasing my original greeting. He finally began talking and hardly cared what he was saying. I found my way out even without his help or approval of my language choices.
People are nothing but interesting to me.
Tomorrow we are to fly to Spain so there is another adventure on the way. I'll be back to talk about the things that kept me occupied today. And some old stories came up that are interesting so I'll make sure to post a blog just on bi-polar stories.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Giving the demagogue my paper route money...
Ronald Reagan revival...
I keep hearing in the media a new trend of comparing current, modern American Republicans to the former President Ronald Reagan as if he has new "clout."
I'm really aghast to remember that I threw my support behind Reagan, the B-movie actor, union representative, all around funny guy, who basically changed the direction of the world.
He was hardly a man without controversy. The press made him out to be a "puppet," or stupid.
There are other words I would "now" use to describe him: ruthless, maybe? Controlling, arrogant, narcissistic, egocentric, etc. you get the idea.
My paper route...
When I was young, about 13, I had income, I had a newspaper route. I was not responsible at all and no one should have ever put me in charge of making sure fucking farmers in Greensburg, Indiana had there precious fucking newspaper every single morning at 5 am.
First of all, by this time, I hardly went to school, only if I wanted to or I woke up on time. So, expecting me to be awake and with newspaper by 5 am was ridiculous.
I had great expectations of making money so I did give this a try--for three years. However, there were no days off. Everyday of my young life was bound to this goddam paper route. Okay, this was hardly my point. Sorry, I'm suffering from a brutal hangover. I'm drinking water this morning, no Sprite. Err, afternoon I mean. Could be the evening. London is Portland with an accent. (If you can believe it, dehydrated as I am, I just made plans with a Londoner to have a few pints. Nice alcoholic life. LOL)
My family would suffer as well...
Since there was no chance I could "deliver" on this promise everyday, I did have to find a way out of this paper delivery nightmare. I trained my sister to be my stand in.
She was the only person insane enough to wake me up at 4 am daily. Really my sister deserves some credit as there are some who know the dangers of waking a bi-polar up early. (or late or at all) We would all haggle at 4 am about money, responsibility--there was a lot of yelling in our house in the wee hours. Usually it was just easier to provide free labor and deliver my papers than to argue with me.
Somehow I managed to eek a living, you know teenage living, ice cream, candy...(porn) that kind of thing.
Jeezus, where am I going with this?
Anyway, also on my list of priorities were political contributions apparently. So, somehow getting back to my initial point, I gave generously to Ronald Reagan for many years, since I was employed in the newspaper delivery business at age 12 to be exact.
Several dollar bills were turned into checks by the parents and sent off to the Reagan campaign. I was a serious voter, though I couldn't vote yet. But I did vote with my money.
I also voted for him as President, second term, my age was a year off the first election. Becoming 18 was for me the year I could become the powerful voter I had only dreamed of. (I know, weird) While others awaited the age to drink, I just wanted to take control of the White House. lol
Those parallels...
Now this part is ironic in some sense, as I had to collect for my route, I had to go to the customer and ask for money. This I did regularly and early.
Thus I discovered the magic potion for more money: ask for it.
What happened was I got caught in the same economic plight as did America under Ronald Reagan. I took money for services rendered in the uncertain future. I suggested, after one customer gave me a payment for six months, that all customers do this.
This way I would have all my money ahead of the game.
Unknowingly, I used "Reagonomics."
Not a good idea.
I learned the hard way when I spent all my money and had no way of getting more money after I set all my customers, or most, on the old six month plan...(not a great plan.)
Ronald Reagan was sort of doing the same thing.We had over extended credit in this country by a long shot. The American dream was being funded by plastic. And there was also egregious government overspending on the "cold war."
For those not familiar with the cold war (and I do not say this facetiously as people are selectively informed--there is far too much information-too many obstacles to knowing fucking everything. I don't remember the content of books I read 20 years ago. So, I'm not being sarcastic here, more understanding.) it was a money burner for this country.
Basically, the former Soviet Union and the United States had nuclear power, and a great weapons stash. We were in a competition, on paper really. Ideologically we had democracy visions versus communism/socialism which were not as diametrically opposed as we think they are. Corruption sees no differences in ideology.
The short version is that we spent money building weapons against each other, money in the trillions. Reagan had his own "Star Wars" plan to trump the Soviets by shooting their weapons out of the sky before they could hit American soil.
"We won!"
As much as I criticize...
I may tell you now that I'm embarrassed to have voted for him. But he played a role in history that needed to be played. He was a tough guy. Or he played the role of a tough guy as he was an actor. He was a great demagogue, he told us what we wanted to hear.
Once again, after WWII, Germany was split into two sides: East Germany and West Germany. There was even a wall to segregate the communists from the rest of the world. These people behind the "iron curtain" would often defect to what we fondly called "our side."
Actually, the truth is there were Americans who also changed their thinking and wanted to be communists. It's the polarities I always refer to. This could have also been called the "bi-polar war" too.
But the US and the media played it up big when a communist would want to leave their own country. We would take these people into our country just for saying they did not want to be a socialist, which is BTW, still a dirty word here in the US.
Compare that to our current immigration policy.
Oh the propaganda...
We lived this crazy ideology--but we did so happily as we used our credit to buy new things or do new things, which kept us distracted. We became overextended as we had no intention of working that hard to pay for all of this...at least now anyway.
Much like my six month plan going bust on me, these same economic, or even philosophical practices were failing the average American.
His focused strengths...
Reagan did hard line these Soviets and in 1989, the wall in Germany was razed to the ground and the country became one again. We gave credit to Reagan for taking down this "awful" government and ending the nuclear threat, as well as reuniting Germany.
But it went back and forth until the likes of Ronald Reagan arrived. This was his destiny to be the last of the Mohicans, a hard ass President who "smack talked" the Soviets to the point the people lost confidence in their government.
He was a bad ass and really did some crazy things to keep the American people enthralled in this competition so he could continue to spend our money on it. Also, keep in mind these were "nukes" we were pointing at each other. These were weapons to kill people and the whole planet.
This President played a critical role in the survival of our species. (hard to admit)
I had dreams...
When I was young I would have nightmares about nuclear weapons, it was a reoccurring thing. Duck and cover never worked in those dreams. The infamous mushroom cloud would rise up and then I'd awake in a sweat.
The things Ronald Reagan did to the Soviets to back them out of our 50 year competition were nothing short of brilliant. But I would not think they belong in this current "era."
I don't think many would think well of a President who was that single minded.
George W. Bush was emulating Reagan, and he fell short in every way. He did manage to spend as much as Reagan-trillions upon trillions though, that's the only comparison.
But Bush's war in Iraq, an unholy war, that never lead to anything good and decent, was so un-Reagan like. Bush never had the resolve of Reagan--the faith-the belief. Bush (whacked) played his role as we all do, but it was one we should be disturbed about and afraid to repeat.
Too long here, but my point is that we play a role in this world no matter who we are. To compare Reagan to anyone of recent is a waste of your breath and energy as there is no comparison.
I would not vote for him now, but yes, he was the answer then.
We as the awakened human race have an obligation to be what this world needs right now. This country would NOT do well under Reagan at this time.
This world definitely needs a real leader, just not one like Reagan. He had his time, he had his place, like everyone/thing else.
So, there you go.
I'm going to get back to hydrating as tomorrow I begin my "bus top" tour of London. And God knows tomorrow will be just another reason to slip into a pub and drink some beer. I'll be hitting the tourist circuit and I promise pictures.
Really, I'm so overwhelmed with everything, (being a fucking foreigner is just what I need, hell every American needs to be a foreigner, we are so damned xenophobic) that I just want to digest it as I go along. But while on the bus cruising around the open spaces, I'll make sure to grab the camera.
As is usual for me, I'm more interested in the people, their perspective, more so than the environment itself. I'll get to it though...
The Bi-polar American in London.
Note: The email version of this story went out before I was done writing it. I'll have to make sure not to hit the publish button before I'm done. So, this story may not be exactly like the other story. If you're really bored compare them.
I keep hearing in the media a new trend of comparing current, modern American Republicans to the former President Ronald Reagan as if he has new "clout."
I'm really aghast to remember that I threw my support behind Reagan, the B-movie actor, union representative, all around funny guy, who basically changed the direction of the world.
He was hardly a man without controversy. The press made him out to be a "puppet," or stupid.
There are other words I would "now" use to describe him: ruthless, maybe? Controlling, arrogant, narcissistic, egocentric, etc. you get the idea.
My paper route...
When I was young, about 13, I had income, I had a newspaper route. I was not responsible at all and no one should have ever put me in charge of making sure fucking farmers in Greensburg, Indiana had there precious fucking newspaper every single morning at 5 am.
First of all, by this time, I hardly went to school, only if I wanted to or I woke up on time. So, expecting me to be awake and with newspaper by 5 am was ridiculous.
I had great expectations of making money so I did give this a try--for three years. However, there were no days off. Everyday of my young life was bound to this goddam paper route. Okay, this was hardly my point. Sorry, I'm suffering from a brutal hangover. I'm drinking water this morning, no Sprite. Err, afternoon I mean. Could be the evening. London is Portland with an accent. (If you can believe it, dehydrated as I am, I just made plans with a Londoner to have a few pints. Nice alcoholic life. LOL)
My family would suffer as well...
Since there was no chance I could "deliver" on this promise everyday, I did have to find a way out of this paper delivery nightmare. I trained my sister to be my stand in.
She was the only person insane enough to wake me up at 4 am daily. Really my sister deserves some credit as there are some who know the dangers of waking a bi-polar up early. (or late or at all) We would all haggle at 4 am about money, responsibility--there was a lot of yelling in our house in the wee hours. Usually it was just easier to provide free labor and deliver my papers than to argue with me.
Somehow I managed to eek a living, you know teenage living, ice cream, candy...(porn) that kind of thing.
Jeezus, where am I going with this?
Anyway, also on my list of priorities were political contributions apparently. So, somehow getting back to my initial point, I gave generously to Ronald Reagan for many years, since I was employed in the newspaper delivery business at age 12 to be exact.
Several dollar bills were turned into checks by the parents and sent off to the Reagan campaign. I was a serious voter, though I couldn't vote yet. But I did vote with my money.
I also voted for him as President, second term, my age was a year off the first election. Becoming 18 was for me the year I could become the powerful voter I had only dreamed of. (I know, weird) While others awaited the age to drink, I just wanted to take control of the White House. lol
Those parallels...
Now this part is ironic in some sense, as I had to collect for my route, I had to go to the customer and ask for money. This I did regularly and early.
Thus I discovered the magic potion for more money: ask for it.
What happened was I got caught in the same economic plight as did America under Ronald Reagan. I took money for services rendered in the uncertain future. I suggested, after one customer gave me a payment for six months, that all customers do this.
This way I would have all my money ahead of the game.
Unknowingly, I used "Reagonomics."
Not a good idea.
I learned the hard way when I spent all my money and had no way of getting more money after I set all my customers, or most, on the old six month plan...(not a great plan.)
Ronald Reagan was sort of doing the same thing.We had over extended credit in this country by a long shot. The American dream was being funded by plastic. And there was also egregious government overspending on the "cold war."
For those not familiar with the cold war (and I do not say this facetiously as people are selectively informed--there is far too much information-too many obstacles to knowing fucking everything. I don't remember the content of books I read 20 years ago. So, I'm not being sarcastic here, more understanding.) it was a money burner for this country.
Basically, the former Soviet Union and the United States had nuclear power, and a great weapons stash. We were in a competition, on paper really. Ideologically we had democracy visions versus communism/socialism which were not as diametrically opposed as we think they are. Corruption sees no differences in ideology.
The short version is that we spent money building weapons against each other, money in the trillions. Reagan had his own "Star Wars" plan to trump the Soviets by shooting their weapons out of the sky before they could hit American soil.
"We won!"
As much as I criticize...
I may tell you now that I'm embarrassed to have voted for him. But he played a role in history that needed to be played. He was a tough guy. Or he played the role of a tough guy as he was an actor. He was a great demagogue, he told us what we wanted to hear.
Once again, after WWII, Germany was split into two sides: East Germany and West Germany. There was even a wall to segregate the communists from the rest of the world. These people behind the "iron curtain" would often defect to what we fondly called "our side."
Actually, the truth is there were Americans who also changed their thinking and wanted to be communists. It's the polarities I always refer to. This could have also been called the "bi-polar war" too.
But the US and the media played it up big when a communist would want to leave their own country. We would take these people into our country just for saying they did not want to be a socialist, which is BTW, still a dirty word here in the US.
Compare that to our current immigration policy.
Oh the propaganda...
We lived this crazy ideology--but we did so happily as we used our credit to buy new things or do new things, which kept us distracted. We became overextended as we had no intention of working that hard to pay for all of this...at least now anyway.
Much like my six month plan going bust on me, these same economic, or even philosophical practices were failing the average American.
His focused strengths...
Reagan did hard line these Soviets and in 1989, the wall in Germany was razed to the ground and the country became one again. We gave credit to Reagan for taking down this "awful" government and ending the nuclear threat, as well as reuniting Germany.
But it went back and forth until the likes of Ronald Reagan arrived. This was his destiny to be the last of the Mohicans, a hard ass President who "smack talked" the Soviets to the point the people lost confidence in their government.
He was a bad ass and really did some crazy things to keep the American people enthralled in this competition so he could continue to spend our money on it. Also, keep in mind these were "nukes" we were pointing at each other. These were weapons to kill people and the whole planet.
This President played a critical role in the survival of our species. (hard to admit)
I had dreams...
When I was young I would have nightmares about nuclear weapons, it was a reoccurring thing. Duck and cover never worked in those dreams. The infamous mushroom cloud would rise up and then I'd awake in a sweat.
The things Ronald Reagan did to the Soviets to back them out of our 50 year competition were nothing short of brilliant. But I would not think they belong in this current "era."
I don't think many would think well of a President who was that single minded.
George W. Bush was emulating Reagan, and he fell short in every way. He did manage to spend as much as Reagan-trillions upon trillions though, that's the only comparison.
But Bush's war in Iraq, an unholy war, that never lead to anything good and decent, was so un-Reagan like. Bush never had the resolve of Reagan--the faith-the belief. Bush (whacked) played his role as we all do, but it was one we should be disturbed about and afraid to repeat.
Too long here, but my point is that we play a role in this world no matter who we are. To compare Reagan to anyone of recent is a waste of your breath and energy as there is no comparison.
I would not vote for him now, but yes, he was the answer then.
We as the awakened human race have an obligation to be what this world needs right now. This country would NOT do well under Reagan at this time.
This world definitely needs a real leader, just not one like Reagan. He had his time, he had his place, like everyone/thing else.
So, there you go.
I'm going to get back to hydrating as tomorrow I begin my "bus top" tour of London. And God knows tomorrow will be just another reason to slip into a pub and drink some beer. I'll be hitting the tourist circuit and I promise pictures.
Really, I'm so overwhelmed with everything, (being a fucking foreigner is just what I need, hell every American needs to be a foreigner, we are so damned xenophobic) that I just want to digest it as I go along. But while on the bus cruising around the open spaces, I'll make sure to grab the camera.
As is usual for me, I'm more interested in the people, their perspective, more so than the environment itself. I'll get to it though...
The Bi-polar American in London.
Note: The email version of this story went out before I was done writing it. I'll have to make sure not to hit the publish button before I'm done. So, this story may not be exactly like the other story. If you're really bored compare them.
Monday, March 5, 2012
Tripping to London
I sure know how to create anxiety...
Today, I woke up with a familiar friend I have not seen in a while: fear. It's really just some anxiety I created by lagging behind on getting ready for my trip to London...next week. (Gulp!)
After I finally settled into the fact that my sleep ended at 5:30 am and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it, I started thinking about my cousin.
She's in the middle of a situation, we like to call it in this family. A "situation" means we probably made a decision to go forward with an unpopular idea. In this case it is work related, therefore tied to her survival and scaring the hell out of her.
My cousin told me the other night that she and I are alike in that we believe in justice. I suppose that could be rephrased in that we believe in some loosely drawn concept we enjoy calling justice. It might be a balancing out of things that we are doing. Maybe just some OCD which could be cleared up with some Paxil. (massive sarcastic moment)
I thought I'd call you...
Because any regular reader of this blog knows I'm fucking obsessed with justice, even if I don't really believe in it in the strictest of senses, my cousin chose to call on me because of my mythology.
After finally committing to her task, getting past the fear, she stood up to an oppressor, let's call the situation. That's a great thing in my world. It's necessary to make the bi-polar world more in harmony. Oppression simply sucks. It maybe titillating for the person in charge to do unpleasant things to and around you expecting always your cooperation as you do want to feed your family and pay those bills every month.
I'm alone in this...
My cousin and I are pretty much alone in our view that this was the correct decision to make. Her husband is truly supportive, but the family has to put it's two cents in too. They made a visit last night probably making my cousin more nervous than necessary.
So, my cousin and I have a history it's been a good one. The problem started when I got Grave's disease and the insomnia began.
My cousin and I had been living together for a few years. We were used to each other to say the least. Recently we laughed about a fight we had when she tried to BBQ in the garage. It's a long story, it had to do with cats and fumes, but it ended in bi-polar fisticuffs. Nobody was hurt!
We had worked thru many fights over the years, but when I went "sleepless in Santa Maria" I was truly an unpleasant person. I was unable to convey to my cousin what was going on since I didn't know what was happening and only would be diagnosed a year later.
But I was a bitch, she was not happy I was leaving, so things got out of hand and she would not talk to me for ten years.
LOL.
Ten years, otherwise known as a decade, a tenth of a century, was the amount of time necessary for her to forgive me for my negativity and insanity. Though it was not at all personal to her, she felt it was and that's what happened.
I told her to make sure and tell me if I say anything extreme that may cause her to want to cease contact with me for another ten years. We laughed but it does show you how stubborn this person is. It's hilarious to me, but I really, really missed her.
I missed hearing her laugh, she's got a great--loud, wonderful laugh and for ten years I missed hearing it. So, when I finally wormed my way back into her life, I was so happy to hear that laugh again. I won't take any chances that I piss her off. LOL
Made a quick call...
As soon as it struck me that she is facing a meeting this Monday morning I called to make sure she was okay. I did not have a lot of advice to give, it's more I told her to stay in touch with how she feels about it. Tune into her power, her intuition.
One device to do this is to ask yourself "do I feel comfortable or good about this?" While she is meeting with the human resources department, I simply suggested she make sure all decisions are being made with the best possible contact with her own intuition. If she feels uncomfortable then she may want to think about any decision before she makes one.
We all should make sure we are siding with our own best decision making power which comes from intuitive types of practices like checking on your level of comfort. When people are lying, in discomfort, uneasy, it's simple to tell by looking at them. I recommended to my cousin to continue to remember the only "real" moments are in the now, the rest is the past or some uncreated future. And in the now it's easy to stay with the program and make decisions that flow with the moments.
"I'm not comfortable with that" is easy enough to say when you're feeling pressured into something that doesn't "sound right." In this case, she's meeting new people who are about to make a decision in her life that will change probably how she feels about herself, along with her financial security. So, there's some pressure here. That's why I made sure to call and act silly, to take her mind off the worst case scenario, and hope for a positive outcome.
As I told her and I tell myself, enjoy all the events of life. She can't take back her decision to move forward on the oppressor, but she can make the most of the ride!
My prayers, the prayers of a real ball busting bitch I might add, consist of that my cousin prevails and kicks some of the negative shit out so that life has a chance! Let in more light everyday and you won't be sorry.
Here's to the justice seekers: May you have a prosperous day and may you prevail! Laura Hart (kicks ass--takes no prisoners)
Back to packing for London. Geez! I have to pack two coats for the weather. I suppose I should take my "red coat." Ha ha.
Today, I woke up with a familiar friend I have not seen in a while: fear. It's really just some anxiety I created by lagging behind on getting ready for my trip to London...next week. (Gulp!)
After I finally settled into the fact that my sleep ended at 5:30 am and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it, I started thinking about my cousin.
She's in the middle of a situation, we like to call it in this family. A "situation" means we probably made a decision to go forward with an unpopular idea. In this case it is work related, therefore tied to her survival and scaring the hell out of her.
My cousin told me the other night that she and I are alike in that we believe in justice. I suppose that could be rephrased in that we believe in some loosely drawn concept we enjoy calling justice. It might be a balancing out of things that we are doing. Maybe just some OCD which could be cleared up with some Paxil. (massive sarcastic moment)
I thought I'd call you...
Because any regular reader of this blog knows I'm fucking obsessed with justice, even if I don't really believe in it in the strictest of senses, my cousin chose to call on me because of my mythology.
After finally committing to her task, getting past the fear, she stood up to an oppressor, let's call the situation. That's a great thing in my world. It's necessary to make the bi-polar world more in harmony. Oppression simply sucks. It maybe titillating for the person in charge to do unpleasant things to and around you expecting always your cooperation as you do want to feed your family and pay those bills every month.
I'm alone in this...
My cousin and I are pretty much alone in our view that this was the correct decision to make. Her husband is truly supportive, but the family has to put it's two cents in too. They made a visit last night probably making my cousin more nervous than necessary.
So, my cousin and I have a history it's been a good one. The problem started when I got Grave's disease and the insomnia began.
My cousin and I had been living together for a few years. We were used to each other to say the least. Recently we laughed about a fight we had when she tried to BBQ in the garage. It's a long story, it had to do with cats and fumes, but it ended in bi-polar fisticuffs. Nobody was hurt!
We had worked thru many fights over the years, but when I went "sleepless in Santa Maria" I was truly an unpleasant person. I was unable to convey to my cousin what was going on since I didn't know what was happening and only would be diagnosed a year later.
But I was a bitch, she was not happy I was leaving, so things got out of hand and she would not talk to me for ten years.
LOL.
Ten years, otherwise known as a decade, a tenth of a century, was the amount of time necessary for her to forgive me for my negativity and insanity. Though it was not at all personal to her, she felt it was and that's what happened.
I told her to make sure and tell me if I say anything extreme that may cause her to want to cease contact with me for another ten years. We laughed but it does show you how stubborn this person is. It's hilarious to me, but I really, really missed her.
I missed hearing her laugh, she's got a great--loud, wonderful laugh and for ten years I missed hearing it. So, when I finally wormed my way back into her life, I was so happy to hear that laugh again. I won't take any chances that I piss her off. LOL
Made a quick call...
As soon as it struck me that she is facing a meeting this Monday morning I called to make sure she was okay. I did not have a lot of advice to give, it's more I told her to stay in touch with how she feels about it. Tune into her power, her intuition.
One device to do this is to ask yourself "do I feel comfortable or good about this?" While she is meeting with the human resources department, I simply suggested she make sure all decisions are being made with the best possible contact with her own intuition. If she feels uncomfortable then she may want to think about any decision before she makes one.
We all should make sure we are siding with our own best decision making power which comes from intuitive types of practices like checking on your level of comfort. When people are lying, in discomfort, uneasy, it's simple to tell by looking at them. I recommended to my cousin to continue to remember the only "real" moments are in the now, the rest is the past or some uncreated future. And in the now it's easy to stay with the program and make decisions that flow with the moments.
"I'm not comfortable with that" is easy enough to say when you're feeling pressured into something that doesn't "sound right." In this case, she's meeting new people who are about to make a decision in her life that will change probably how she feels about herself, along with her financial security. So, there's some pressure here. That's why I made sure to call and act silly, to take her mind off the worst case scenario, and hope for a positive outcome.
As I told her and I tell myself, enjoy all the events of life. She can't take back her decision to move forward on the oppressor, but she can make the most of the ride!
My prayers, the prayers of a real ball busting bitch I might add, consist of that my cousin prevails and kicks some of the negative shit out so that life has a chance! Let in more light everyday and you won't be sorry.
Here's to the justice seekers: May you have a prosperous day and may you prevail! Laura Hart (kicks ass--takes no prisoners)
Back to packing for London. Geez! I have to pack two coats for the weather. I suppose I should take my "red coat." Ha ha.
Friday, March 2, 2012
Consuming the American dollar: Corporate greed...
For a few dollars more...
Corporate America seems to be successfully pilfering money from the American consumer while the consumer does not have much in the way of recourse against this type of practice.
Let me give you some personal examples of my dealings with utility and internet companies. It's not pretty, please remove all youngsters from the room.
We can start with the richest bastard company which began it's business life by stealing from others: Microsoft. I think it's now urban legend that the ugly stepbrother, Bill Gates, stole the holy grail from Apple founder, Steve Jobs.
Apple and Jobs began a rampage on the industry with the ipod and iphones, but were shortly criticized as they began manufacturing their much sought after products in China.
So, no one in this incredible technological corporate fiasco ever thought about us, the American consumer. Oh, maybe they thought of reducing the price so more children could have phones pressed to their ears and games on the go, and mommy needs a moment to reduce stress with "Angry Birds." But they were not thinking of how this throw away technology was going to effect the consumer or even the sacred "mother earth."
Microsoft successfully fought off anti-trust lawsuits, have monopolized the software industry, and continue to allow bugs in their programs while they offer new products rather than fix the old ones, such as my nemesis, MSN.
It was a stormy night...
I had finally gotten aboard our local what I call "higher speed than regular mail" internet service when I was suddenly called away. When I returned, I could not get the service, it was full, it was Mediacom. The cable company had sold too many slots and the internet was not running at "advertised speeds" and they therefore had to reduce their customer base, of which I was one.
However, during this time, Mediacom received a grant for 90 million dollars to bring a fiber optic cable linking our insular area to the rest of the world. It was supposed to be complete by 2011, now coming to you from early 2012. The last update I can see shows a vague plan and some promises of hearing back from Cal trans. Ninety million dollars later and I have to wonder.
So, there was little in the way of options out here in Weldon (or as I call it--Well done) California, and I went back to MSN dial up.
It was a dark day when I called to the "unknown source" or otherwise known as Microsoft customer service. I had hit an all time low, calling and asking them to resume my dial up service.
No jobs...
As I spoke to the woman with the thick Indian accent I realized that Microsoft had yanked jobs from this country, the country which allows this monopoly called Microsoft to carry on it's illegal operations, on a daily basis. In return we can expect inferior products, service, and an obvious disregard for our customer base.
Example: I began using MSN dial up in 2002, and was sort of happy with it way back when. If there was a problem, a customer service representative was quick to resolve the problem, and often would opt to give a free month for my trouble.
Compare that to the nightmare which took place in the last two years. First, MSN did not care that I had been a "long term" customer, since 2002.
They have no regard for the old idea of "return customers." While Bill Gates goes around flaunting his wealth and potentially his guilty conscience, with this philanthropic endeavor he and buddy, Bill Clinton are up to, we the consumer of his crappy products must endure long hours speaking to inferior customer service reps.
I wanted to kill them...
The craziness that ensued once I installed MSN onto my new laptop and a desk top was one I will never forget. There had to be a virus, I do believe that. And I do believe the virus was MSN itself. The software was flawed and ruining the reliability of all my computers.
The software crashed my blogs, my videos, and I lost days worth of work at a time.
I kept calling and each time they would try to find something to blame on me, rather than their own product, (yes, the problem was ALL the computers but not their software) so nothing was ever resolved.
And I went nuts. After so many calls I could no longer control myself and likely these foreign customer service reps did not know exactly what "mutherfuckingidiotmachine" really meant. It wasn't personal, at least on my end.
But I do take it personally that Bill Gates, Microsoft Corporation, allowed MSN to charge $13.95 a month and adding that to the psychological help required of someone so distraught, it was a costly ordeal.
The last ditch effort...
Recently, I contacted the corporate office of Microsoft and had the opportunity to chat with...the fucking operator. Great! Real fucking nice for her and me.
She gingerly tried to direct me to customer service and really, had she done this, I would have been on a fucking plane to Seattle. However, she was good at reading psychosis and simply told me I would have to WRITE to Microsoft via email and gave me the address.
Honestly, I have not had time to write to them, but this is what I'm going to ask for: I want my money back. And then I'll add: "You're a rich fucking corporation and not only did you sell me an inferior product, but you sold it for too much, it caused major problems on my computers, I lost time and work product, and I went fucking crazy!"
What do you think they will say?
Okay, I'm going to write and ask for my money back and report back as to what they say. But look at it this way, they took approximately $14 a month for two years, which amounts to $336.
If they manage to aggravate others like me and still get away with charging for it, they could have millions for nothing but shitty fucked up service. And that's the American way.
Microsoft isn't alone...
This big bully of corporate America is not alone in these scams to grab a few pennies more. If you're a company with millions of customers, such as another friend, Verizon (big story here, coming soon), and you charge a little extra without the customer's knowledge, why you have a scam.
Last year I happen to call Verizon to find out if they had a different phone package and what the cost would be. I had been on this particular package for eight years and I figured it was time to upgrade.
The Verizon Rep was friendly and in the middle of giving me all the options, she asks me if I still call Canada. I told her I never did call Canada, and why was she asking.
She quickly pulled up my account and said I would now save $5 a month by taking the Call Canada feature off the package. Of course, I thanked her for the consideration, but then questioned the whole deal.
"For eight years I've paid $5 a month to call Canada, which I don't call, and you are now telling me I'm SAVING money? How about giving me the money back you took for eight years?"
She laughed like I was joking or something. I told her I meant it, I wanted my money back. I'm not here to donate my fucking money to Verizon...are YOU?
Needless to say I never got a dime or a straight answer. But imagine that Verizon is making money for doing nothing but setting up services which are unnecessary and costly. This is no mistake my friends, this is corporate America and you will lose money daily if you don't watch out for these practices.
What can we do?
Aye, there's the rub, what can we do when a federal government, a state government are so impotent and weak they do not protect the consumer. Watchdogs have been euthanized as these corporations are allowed to nickel and dime us to death.
Look what is happening, no one cares if we are "returning customers" or "long time" customers, they take us all for granted.
In the case of Verizon where I have no other choice as to who is my phone carrier, they have an even greater leverage and do not have to do anything, such as provide me with the services I need at a fair rate. Is that not something I should expect?
Scams and more scams...
It's rampant, this lack of business sense, and it's causing businesses to believe they can do anything to the consumer with little recourse.
With the advent of corporations eating up other corporations, leaving consumers with little or no choices, such as with satellite TV. We now are down to two, (at least we have two I guess unlike with Microsoft) Directv and Dish. They cost approximately the same, they have pretty much the same programming, and God help those who try to get reparations or hold them to their side of the contracts they like tying us up in for a couple years.
I had them put my TV service on vacation hold as I was not watching any television and paying $75 a month. My preference is work over the boob tube, so I thought this would save me a few bucks. Six months later I called Directv to begin service again, and apparently they already had. Because I assumed it was off, I never tested it, and suddenly I had a bill for five months of service with the threat they would "cut me off."
They are fucking stupid really as I explained, I don't watch TV, and told them to "go ahead." I plan on never paying those bastards.
Why?
My normal attitude is to pay the bills and get it out of the way. In this case, Directv insisted they were right. I even asked for the "recording" of our phone call. I told them every time I call there's a threat that the call will be recorded, so I want to fucking hear it. No.
So, they record our calls for what reason?
As you can see there are problems for consumers and no solutions. Try your state agencies and see what happens.
Construction gone wild? Call the state and find out if the company has a license. If they do, well, there's no guarantee.
Small claims court...
Another place to take consumer complaints is your local small claims court. This is where you get to make your case in front of an objective party, a judge. Not a bad deal as consumers get a pretty much fair opportunity to explain what happened.
Where things get difficult is in the higher courts when attorneys are present. I'm not just going to rag on attorneys, but on the system that allows class action lawsuits which pretty much feed the lawyer but not the law. That could be reformed and fast in my opinion.
I'm sure if an attorney were so inclined they could trace some of these overcharges such as what Verizon did to me to other consumers and potentially bring about a lawsuit against this megagiant corporation. And this could very well happen some day as more and more complaints filter into the government agencies and small claims courts, that it catches the attention of hungry law firms.
That's no guarantee that we will never see a scam from Verizon, I am sure they will find a way to add a few more pennies to each bill and make some more profit. It's just the way it is, and we should accept it?
Rate payers group...
The state agency which is supposed to reflect the needs of the consumer in a Public Utilities Commission rate hike request, the rate payers group, did something interesting a few years ago when our local water company cried poor and in need of more money.
Cal Water company was able to garner a rate increase in a novel way: the hike was passed along to other consumers. The state rate payers group decided if Cal Water needed more money and the PUC was going to give it, they would somehow get this money, just not at the "expense" of only the local consumers.
The rate payers group allowed Cal Water to add a penny onto the bills of other customers outside the area which would be liable for the whole increase.
By the way, the cause of the increase was a federal law decreasing the amount of "allowable" arsenic in the water. Cal Water put the blame on the government for changing this percentage on them.
I personally told them at the public sham of a meeting about the increase, that they were the ones who decided to go into the water business. I didn't tell them to do it and the government made no promises either. So, why were there stockholders receiving dividends while their hands were out for literally what should be called "a local bail out."
In the end, there are pennies turning into millions, and I'm sure people out there are unaware of the way corporate America with the blessing of the government takes our money with no recourse each and every day.
Welcome to "Scamerica" land of the unholy dollar. Welcome to the United States of Corporate America. Be careful your hard earned dollars can and often do fall into the hands of unscrupulous businesses.
But since I never give up, I'll be hounding these dogs until I get my money back. Update soon....Have a great day and watch your pennies as they turn into corporate dollars. Laura Hart
Corporate America seems to be successfully pilfering money from the American consumer while the consumer does not have much in the way of recourse against this type of practice.
Let me give you some personal examples of my dealings with utility and internet companies. It's not pretty, please remove all youngsters from the room.
We can start with the richest bastard company which began it's business life by stealing from others: Microsoft. I think it's now urban legend that the ugly stepbrother, Bill Gates, stole the holy grail from Apple founder, Steve Jobs.
Apple and Jobs began a rampage on the industry with the ipod and iphones, but were shortly criticized as they began manufacturing their much sought after products in China.
So, no one in this incredible technological corporate fiasco ever thought about us, the American consumer. Oh, maybe they thought of reducing the price so more children could have phones pressed to their ears and games on the go, and mommy needs a moment to reduce stress with "Angry Birds." But they were not thinking of how this throw away technology was going to effect the consumer or even the sacred "mother earth."
Microsoft successfully fought off anti-trust lawsuits, have monopolized the software industry, and continue to allow bugs in their programs while they offer new products rather than fix the old ones, such as my nemesis, MSN.
It was a stormy night...
I had finally gotten aboard our local what I call "higher speed than regular mail" internet service when I was suddenly called away. When I returned, I could not get the service, it was full, it was Mediacom. The cable company had sold too many slots and the internet was not running at "advertised speeds" and they therefore had to reduce their customer base, of which I was one.
However, during this time, Mediacom received a grant for 90 million dollars to bring a fiber optic cable linking our insular area to the rest of the world. It was supposed to be complete by 2011, now coming to you from early 2012. The last update I can see shows a vague plan and some promises of hearing back from Cal trans. Ninety million dollars later and I have to wonder.
So, there was little in the way of options out here in Weldon (or as I call it--Well done) California, and I went back to MSN dial up.
It was a dark day when I called to the "unknown source" or otherwise known as Microsoft customer service. I had hit an all time low, calling and asking them to resume my dial up service.
No jobs...
As I spoke to the woman with the thick Indian accent I realized that Microsoft had yanked jobs from this country, the country which allows this monopoly called Microsoft to carry on it's illegal operations, on a daily basis. In return we can expect inferior products, service, and an obvious disregard for our customer base.
Example: I began using MSN dial up in 2002, and was sort of happy with it way back when. If there was a problem, a customer service representative was quick to resolve the problem, and often would opt to give a free month for my trouble.
Compare that to the nightmare which took place in the last two years. First, MSN did not care that I had been a "long term" customer, since 2002.
They have no regard for the old idea of "return customers." While Bill Gates goes around flaunting his wealth and potentially his guilty conscience, with this philanthropic endeavor he and buddy, Bill Clinton are up to, we the consumer of his crappy products must endure long hours speaking to inferior customer service reps.
I wanted to kill them...
The craziness that ensued once I installed MSN onto my new laptop and a desk top was one I will never forget. There had to be a virus, I do believe that. And I do believe the virus was MSN itself. The software was flawed and ruining the reliability of all my computers.
The software crashed my blogs, my videos, and I lost days worth of work at a time.
I kept calling and each time they would try to find something to blame on me, rather than their own product, (yes, the problem was ALL the computers but not their software) so nothing was ever resolved.
And I went nuts. After so many calls I could no longer control myself and likely these foreign customer service reps did not know exactly what "mutherfuckingidiotmachine" really meant. It wasn't personal, at least on my end.
But I do take it personally that Bill Gates, Microsoft Corporation, allowed MSN to charge $13.95 a month and adding that to the psychological help required of someone so distraught, it was a costly ordeal.
The last ditch effort...
Recently, I contacted the corporate office of Microsoft and had the opportunity to chat with...the fucking operator. Great! Real fucking nice for her and me.
She gingerly tried to direct me to customer service and really, had she done this, I would have been on a fucking plane to Seattle. However, she was good at reading psychosis and simply told me I would have to WRITE to Microsoft via email and gave me the address.
Honestly, I have not had time to write to them, but this is what I'm going to ask for: I want my money back. And then I'll add: "You're a rich fucking corporation and not only did you sell me an inferior product, but you sold it for too much, it caused major problems on my computers, I lost time and work product, and I went fucking crazy!"
What do you think they will say?
Okay, I'm going to write and ask for my money back and report back as to what they say. But look at it this way, they took approximately $14 a month for two years, which amounts to $336.
If they manage to aggravate others like me and still get away with charging for it, they could have millions for nothing but shitty fucked up service. And that's the American way.
Microsoft isn't alone...
This big bully of corporate America is not alone in these scams to grab a few pennies more. If you're a company with millions of customers, such as another friend, Verizon (big story here, coming soon), and you charge a little extra without the customer's knowledge, why you have a scam.
Last year I happen to call Verizon to find out if they had a different phone package and what the cost would be. I had been on this particular package for eight years and I figured it was time to upgrade.
The Verizon Rep was friendly and in the middle of giving me all the options, she asks me if I still call Canada. I told her I never did call Canada, and why was she asking.
She quickly pulled up my account and said I would now save $5 a month by taking the Call Canada feature off the package. Of course, I thanked her for the consideration, but then questioned the whole deal.
"For eight years I've paid $5 a month to call Canada, which I don't call, and you are now telling me I'm SAVING money? How about giving me the money back you took for eight years?"
She laughed like I was joking or something. I told her I meant it, I wanted my money back. I'm not here to donate my fucking money to Verizon...are YOU?
Needless to say I never got a dime or a straight answer. But imagine that Verizon is making money for doing nothing but setting up services which are unnecessary and costly. This is no mistake my friends, this is corporate America and you will lose money daily if you don't watch out for these practices.
What can we do?
Aye, there's the rub, what can we do when a federal government, a state government are so impotent and weak they do not protect the consumer. Watchdogs have been euthanized as these corporations are allowed to nickel and dime us to death.
Look what is happening, no one cares if we are "returning customers" or "long time" customers, they take us all for granted.
In the case of Verizon where I have no other choice as to who is my phone carrier, they have an even greater leverage and do not have to do anything, such as provide me with the services I need at a fair rate. Is that not something I should expect?
Scams and more scams...
It's rampant, this lack of business sense, and it's causing businesses to believe they can do anything to the consumer with little recourse.
With the advent of corporations eating up other corporations, leaving consumers with little or no choices, such as with satellite TV. We now are down to two, (at least we have two I guess unlike with Microsoft) Directv and Dish. They cost approximately the same, they have pretty much the same programming, and God help those who try to get reparations or hold them to their side of the contracts they like tying us up in for a couple years.
I had them put my TV service on vacation hold as I was not watching any television and paying $75 a month. My preference is work over the boob tube, so I thought this would save me a few bucks. Six months later I called Directv to begin service again, and apparently they already had. Because I assumed it was off, I never tested it, and suddenly I had a bill for five months of service with the threat they would "cut me off."
They are fucking stupid really as I explained, I don't watch TV, and told them to "go ahead." I plan on never paying those bastards.
Why?
My normal attitude is to pay the bills and get it out of the way. In this case, Directv insisted they were right. I even asked for the "recording" of our phone call. I told them every time I call there's a threat that the call will be recorded, so I want to fucking hear it. No.
So, they record our calls for what reason?
As you can see there are problems for consumers and no solutions. Try your state agencies and see what happens.
Construction gone wild? Call the state and find out if the company has a license. If they do, well, there's no guarantee.
Small claims court...
Another place to take consumer complaints is your local small claims court. This is where you get to make your case in front of an objective party, a judge. Not a bad deal as consumers get a pretty much fair opportunity to explain what happened.
Where things get difficult is in the higher courts when attorneys are present. I'm not just going to rag on attorneys, but on the system that allows class action lawsuits which pretty much feed the lawyer but not the law. That could be reformed and fast in my opinion.
I'm sure if an attorney were so inclined they could trace some of these overcharges such as what Verizon did to me to other consumers and potentially bring about a lawsuit against this megagiant corporation. And this could very well happen some day as more and more complaints filter into the government agencies and small claims courts, that it catches the attention of hungry law firms.
That's no guarantee that we will never see a scam from Verizon, I am sure they will find a way to add a few more pennies to each bill and make some more profit. It's just the way it is, and we should accept it?
Rate payers group...
The state agency which is supposed to reflect the needs of the consumer in a Public Utilities Commission rate hike request, the rate payers group, did something interesting a few years ago when our local water company cried poor and in need of more money.
Cal Water company was able to garner a rate increase in a novel way: the hike was passed along to other consumers. The state rate payers group decided if Cal Water needed more money and the PUC was going to give it, they would somehow get this money, just not at the "expense" of only the local consumers.
The rate payers group allowed Cal Water to add a penny onto the bills of other customers outside the area which would be liable for the whole increase.
By the way, the cause of the increase was a federal law decreasing the amount of "allowable" arsenic in the water. Cal Water put the blame on the government for changing this percentage on them.
I personally told them at the public sham of a meeting about the increase, that they were the ones who decided to go into the water business. I didn't tell them to do it and the government made no promises either. So, why were there stockholders receiving dividends while their hands were out for literally what should be called "a local bail out."
In the end, there are pennies turning into millions, and I'm sure people out there are unaware of the way corporate America with the blessing of the government takes our money with no recourse each and every day.
Welcome to "Scamerica" land of the unholy dollar. Welcome to the United States of Corporate America. Be careful your hard earned dollars can and often do fall into the hands of unscrupulous businesses.
But since I never give up, I'll be hounding these dogs until I get my money back. Update soon....Have a great day and watch your pennies as they turn into corporate dollars. Laura Hart
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