It started as a wander lust thru my whole rabbit, rarebit, rare be it, called a Lie fe.
My sister was hardly dilated ready to give birth, as I was standing around the birth center, the control of reproductions, awaiting the new arrival my nephew. She was being Induced to labor, so we had time to chat.
This was almost 25 years ago.
After a particularly painful con-traction, she suddenly looked at me and seriously ordered me: "Never tell my children about your childhood!"
I felt the shame, roll, thunder down me. Rejection, dejection, all that Jazz. It was the usual for me.
It's a moment, however, which stuck, as I was "shut up" in my life something of a question mark.
Late last night, after much soul seering searching, I am READY to bare all. lol
Last week, or I name these DAZE, days----Strongs---as I hold to the TRUTH of who and what I am---I asked if I was the only one who wanted to get nekked and run thru a stadium?
One kid answered the call, "YES!"
Love that Enthusiasm, I DO!
But he suddenly quashed the notion, as he got Concerned about the CON-game-sequences of such a feat of fearlessness.
"Yeah, but what if they tackle me--take me down?"
BAIT AND TACKLE SHOP
He's right, this is definitely, without questioning my own HIGH marks, on this test, an empty basket of cases who are mentally challenged to see the MISSING pieces.
"Yes, you're correct, they would." I told him truth that this world is the ENEMY of fun and Chocolate.
For example, Last Saturday, a night on the empty street, I wanted to dance to a song on the radio. It was past midnight, no other cars in sight, I checked.
It was Flash dance, and this girl wanted enough room to dance as my legs hit the car as I jumped around. Rainy weather made it an even better surface for this dancing jig, as I was up, NOT on the cheap drugs of this life, or booze, or nuttin' honey, justing feeling good CHEER!
When I hit my stride in the slippery street, two headlights appeared out of nowhere. BUZZKILLERS. lol
I was shimmying and shaking, singing, springing about, my friend's daughter ready to leap and bound with me, when the lights headed towards us. With a mind full of Con-cerns clouding my moment--the lights were on in the car? But what if the cars driver is not paying attention?? so I GAVE up my dance and got back in the car.
We drove still playing the song, but now being tail-gated. Just about at our turn, to the house, the flash dance turned into flashing lights in my rear view mirror. The Sherif of the town, Murphy, lol, has pulled me over.
LICENSE AND REGISTRATION
"What were you doing?"
"I was dancing...." (Interrupted)
"How much have you had to drink, ma'am?"
This was too much for him, and he began to question his own nose, or knows.
"I can smell the alcohol."
"You can?" I wondered, how weird.
He took my license, demanding an explanation for dancing, that would have me agree that there was something UNNACCEPTABLE about my BEHAVIOR.
I gathered my registration, my insurance proof, and guessed by his attitude, we would be unduly delayed for dancing.
THEN THERE WERE THREE
One after the other came, as this officer of the ILLAWGICAL could not get it.
Girls, some of us, just wanna have fun. And it appears this is not a popular vote. With Jails full of addicts, substituting nasty habits, for true fun, they were trying to label me.
For the first time, since I am a manual BALANCE system, my inner ear destroyed by the antibiotic Gentamicin, I would face this disability. Let me explain--My inner ear supposedly, I'm told, senses my body in space in time. when I move, so does the whole environment, visually. Kinesthetic sense, lost, so when I close my eyes, I supposedly have no balance in the dark.
I offered breathalizer, and blood, but they would not accept this offer of proof. I would be required to put my feet together, close my eyes, and tilt my head back. I have been manually operating my own system, but questioned that if one day in the future, I had to test this, what would happen.
Well, since there were three patrol cars, headlights pointed at me, the light was such it helped--went right thru my eyelids. I braced, somewhat daunted still, whether or not, I could do it---I took my feet, clapped my ankles, closed my eyes, and leaned back.
With my disability, I would have Fallen, but the light was with me, as there is FALLENDARITY for the lucky ones, as I steadied and made them question there own suspicions. I simply verified that my suspicions make more sense.
If I had fallen, as I should have based on the balance system, there would have been lawsuits, as the ambulance chaser lawyers, would suddenly befriend the lowly disabled, dancing, fool I seemed to be.
Another test employed to make their case that there was something WRONG with me, was follow the pen, and heaven help you that you flinch or move your head. THE pressure was on to pass with my disability not flying.
It was too funny, I readied up for this ball point pen in my car window, as I was Instructed quickly, but sternly, NOT to move my head, only eyes, and follow his pen.
Just as we got across, him trailing the rolling writer in front of me, the length of my window, I guess, he perceived I moved my head.
Trying to help him, I explained, "I may still have some nystagmus. Let me try again."
"What, what are you talking about." The Sheriff's don't have MEDICAL lingo, so he didn't know it is an eye issue associated with inner ear destruction.
In my effort, as all things this world tend to be, I attempted to explain to him the disability. Where I was cut off and con-fronted as being "too smart."
Too drunk, too smart, too happy, Forthright in answering questions, offering Proof of blood or tests, but NEVER just okay.
DISABILITY LICENSE PLATES
My car has disabled placards, and someone asked if the police were aware of my disability. I again, suggest, to the apparently "HIGHLY suggestible" that I was questioned at least three times, as to the nature of my disability.
These plates, were ordered more than 10 years ago, and the only numbers, given to me, (a natural hand, as poker lots draw it) 5150.
Sooooo, the plates, were there screaming, "DANGER TO SELF, DANGER TO OTHERS" a false representation, a POLICE CODE, allowing them to hold someone.
IF they had been able to see past their own code, and listen for the truth, as I told them I had no BALANCE system, they may have stopped the insanity.
IN THE END
My friend's daughter had a large, anxiety pimple on her forehead, and her mother had to vouche for my safer. There was a Addendumb---They didn't trust me, so they held my car at the station, until I could get even more sober, or somber, or whatever their goal was.
BuZZ Kill Light year, has a Woody for me.....I've got the stories.
Laura Hart----The Bi-Polar AMerican????
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