I sure know how to create anxiety...
Today, I woke up with a familiar friend I have not seen in a while: fear. It's really just some anxiety I created by lagging behind on getting ready for my trip to London...next week. (Gulp!)
After I finally settled into the fact that my sleep ended at 5:30 am and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it, I started thinking about my cousin.
She's in the middle of a situation, we like to call it in this family. A "situation" means we probably made a decision to go forward with an unpopular idea. In this case it is work related, therefore tied to her survival and scaring the hell out of her.
My cousin told me the other night that she and I are alike in that we believe in justice. I suppose that could be rephrased in that we believe in some loosely drawn concept we enjoy calling justice. It might be a balancing out of things that we are doing. Maybe just some OCD which could be cleared up with some Paxil. (massive sarcastic moment)
I thought I'd call you...
Because any regular reader of this blog knows I'm fucking obsessed with justice, even if I don't really believe in it in the strictest of senses, my cousin chose to call on me because of my mythology.
After finally committing to her task, getting past the fear, she stood up to an oppressor, let's call the situation. That's a great thing in my world. It's necessary to make the bi-polar world more in harmony. Oppression simply sucks. It maybe titillating for the person in charge to do unpleasant things to and around you expecting always your cooperation as you do want to feed your family and pay those bills every month.
I'm alone in this...
My cousin and I are pretty much alone in our view that this was the correct decision to make. Her husband is truly supportive, but the family has to put it's two cents in too. They made a visit last night probably making my cousin more nervous than necessary.
So, my cousin and I have a history it's been a good one. The problem started when I got Grave's disease and the insomnia began.
My cousin and I had been living together for a few years. We were used to each other to say the least. Recently we laughed about a fight we had when she tried to BBQ in the garage. It's a long story, it had to do with cats and fumes, but it ended in bi-polar fisticuffs. Nobody was hurt!
We had worked thru many fights over the years, but when I went "sleepless in Santa Maria" I was truly an unpleasant person. I was unable to convey to my cousin what was going on since I didn't know what was happening and only would be diagnosed a year later.
But I was a bitch, she was not happy I was leaving, so things got out of hand and she would not talk to me for ten years.
Ten years, otherwise known as a decade, a tenth of a century, was the amount of time necessary for her to forgive me for my negativity and insanity. Though it was not at all personal to her, she felt it was and that's what happened.
I told her to make sure and tell me if I say anything extreme that may cause her to want to cease contact with me for another ten years. We laughed but it does show you how stubborn this person is. It's hilarious to me, but I really, really missed her.
I missed hearing her laugh, she's got a great--loud, wonderful laugh and for ten years I missed hearing it. So, when I finally wormed my way back into her life, I was so happy to hear that laugh again. I won't take any chances that I piss her off. LOL
Made a quick call...
As soon as it struck me that she is facing a meeting this Monday morning I called to make sure she was okay. I did not have a lot of advice to give, it's more I told her to stay in touch with how she feels about it. Tune into her power, her intuition.
One device to do this is to ask yourself "do I feel comfortable or good about this?" While she is meeting with the human resources department, I simply suggested she make sure all decisions are being made with the best possible contact with her own intuition. If she feels uncomfortable then she may want to think about any decision before she makes one.
We all should make sure we are siding with our own best decision making power which comes from intuitive types of practices like checking on your level of comfort. When people are lying, in discomfort, uneasy, it's simple to tell by looking at them. I recommended to my cousin to continue to remember the only "real" moments are in the now, the rest is the past or some uncreated future. And in the now it's easy to stay with the program and make decisions that flow with the moments.
"I'm not comfortable with that" is easy enough to say when you're feeling pressured into something that doesn't "sound right." In this case, she's meeting new people who are about to make a decision in her life that will change probably how she feels about herself, along with her financial security. So, there's some pressure here. That's why I made sure to call and act silly, to take her mind off the worst case scenario, and hope for a positive outcome.
As I told her and I tell myself, enjoy all the events of life. She can't take back her decision to move forward on the oppressor, but she can make the most of the ride!
My prayers, the prayers of a real ball busting bitch I might add, consist of that my cousin prevails and kicks some of the negative shit out so that life has a chance! Let in more light everyday and you won't be sorry.
Here's to the justice seekers: May you have a prosperous day and may you prevail! Laura Hart (kicks ass--takes no prisoners)
Back to packing for London. Geez! I have to pack two coats for the weather. I suppose I should take my "red coat." Ha ha.