Doctor drugs, kicking the doctor dope, you don't have to take all prescriptions...

I have had some sign of improvement of my symptoms regarding the pain killer I was prescribed and am now scrambling off of as fast as I can, Methadone.

I knew nothing about this medication and never should have taken it. It's one of the opiates, but the artificial kind, where scientists play with the molecular structure trying to improve or change the drug for a specific purpose.

The withdrawl is odd and strange, but just using it causes some symptoms for me.

I feel like I'm being tested by the universe right now. Can I handle another round of this shit? Not really.

But I'm more prepared now to do it, as I don't intend to watch my health slip again, they are going to help me whether they like it or not.

KVHD is going to do what I need done. We have a meeting coming up and I told them they are going to help me get my health back, they health they took.

I'm doing my fucking part, I'm holding ground with the heaviest drugs I've ever been given. How long these symptoms last will tell the tale. I can only go so far with this morbid depression.

It would be cruel to make someone live with this type of chemical let down, hormones all scrambled, just trying to keep my head above water everyday for months.

I finally could talk in the last day, and told my friends that I've been lying to them, trying to play it off, but I can hear the cracking of the plaster walls. It's caused by the thyroid and the pain killer, so it's a double whammy, and I'm surprised I made it this far.

But instead of suffering, I'm going to insist that I'm getting what I need, which is less medicine and more "new" "fresh" ideas to work with. I don't want the old prescription pad treatment. I want things that may have "off label" uses.

Speaking of off label uses, I have to find the article which says that Abbot Laboratories was suggesting to doctors and nursing homes to use Depakote, off label, on geriatric patients. It will be an interesting blog for KVHD under fire as it could clear a doctor and a director of nursing.

I get so angry that I can't work longer and hope to hell with a huge push, I will get what I need to carry on the work.

I want to leave a legacy to the KRV they won't forget, and a small business some friends and young and aspiring people can use. Then there's books being pushed out like kittens.

It's the research that takes the time, though I do love it. And I have to decide how and who will be the next to deal with this bipolar reporter.

But first, I have to get help, I'm too fucked up to get done what I want and what I am committed to at this point. The frustration is incredible, but yet, I Just keep going.

Tomorrow another day. I pray that it is better than today...