I don't know what I will do and I don't know what I'm capable of doing...it's serious

Oh what a day in the life of a bi-polar reporter, or just a flawed human being, same thing.
I've felt deep emotions all my life, it's probably part of the chemistry set that came with my brain.
As I've looked over many bi-polar blogs and websites, contacting some, laughing feverishly at others, I realized everyone wants help. They want somebody to tell them what to do. I do what I do and take responsibility for the consequences.
But tonight I reached a point where I may not want to do what I really want to do. Not because of the consequences, but because I have children watching what I'm doing. What I want to do is no example for anyone.

The fight

A good friend of mine is pretty tore up right now, she's giving up, I can feel it.
I started to write a story about what happened with her teenage boys on the Tales of the Kern River Valley, with some fiction, I didn't need much it was over the top.

I didn't finish the story, and I wrote it so that my friend would have a different perspective on what was happening. Guns, teenagers, pregnancy, gangs, all in square block in Lake Isabella, California.

A couple months ago I ended up having to change medication, and a few weeks ago it began to upset my bipolar apple cart. It ended up being thyroid, which is another story. It will take a month or more to correct the imbalance and in the meantime, I have to make decisions.

After trying to do some work yesterday, I went to my friends house where all the teenage drama was taking place. Unlike my teenage drama which could have been fat lips and bloody noses, these were guns and threats from people out of their minds on crack or meth or both, who knows.

A confrontation took place where this neighbor came over and threatened the mother and her son, my friends.

When I got there they told me what happened. So, I sent them all in the house and sat out on my car with a camera and a notebook. I figured we would try to trust the system again, and involve the police, CPS, and the courts for a restraining order.

It seemed like the best example to set for the kids.

I went out late this afternoon and didn't get back until late. When I checked my messages I heard that my friends dog was missing. Dude, the big golden retriever who is pictured on the KRV Pet Corner site.

Then I was told that the mother had overheard the same man who threatened them yesterday, say that the pit bull on the leash he had, killed their dog.

I fucking feel crazy mad right now. No police anymore mutherfuckers. If anything happened to that dog, I'm going to make sure that something very bad happens to them.

I can feel it. Somebody who would hurt a dog is so beyond me that I am willing to do what is necessary to remove this scum from the earth. And sadly it's not a threat, it's a reality.

Tomorrow somebody's life is going to change...or both our lives are going to change. I don't have a gun, nor do I need one. They are going to need all their guns, their pit bull, and anything else they can think of, because if they touched that dog it's going going gone...

You'lll know what happens, if i stop writing...I'm sorry, but this is not acceptable behavior. And the law is a wimp when it comes to animals.

I'm not sure but I've never felt this angry in my life. It's a craziness that has overcome me. So, that dog better be all right, that's all I can say.

Whatever i end up doing, I will be responsible for. But if it's what I think it is, I won't care one fucking bit.
It's going to be another manic Monday...see ya mutherfuckers.