Found this post in the editor: This is a blog that came from the November 2011 suicide/kicking doctor dope episode. On November 8th, I began my tour of the "rabbit hole" as I stopped all my pain killers and even my sleeping medication, Xanax.
The sudden cessation caused some turbulence in the force as you may notice in this post. I was actually really scared to stop the drugs. I had no notion of what would happen. Then God granted me quite the wild ride.
The posts clearly show my meltdown from November 8th, 2011, where I lose total control of my senses as I try to get off the doctor merry-go-round. The doctors had given me lots of good dope to use, but I was now in the mood for less dope, and in a hurry to get out of their control. Addicts keep coming back, and that's another office call -or two- if I run low early!
I had a new PA who had made me sign a contract that I didn't read. She really had a lot of nerve, but did it to the wrong person. I was so pissed it made me want to be off of all drugs. And cigarettes too!
However, I ended up in jail, and a psych ward, for all my trouble. I really enjoyed it though. I was a fugitive from justice as local folklore says I attacked hospital personnel and ran to a church for safe harbor. But the church had no faith and dropped me into the lap of law enforcement who cuffed me and took me to my pen for a rest.
I still have amnesia as I cannot remember at least two weeks of jail and fun. I've had blackouts where I lost a night, but not this sort of thing. I have snippets but that is about all.
So, as part of my effort to be true to myself and also my readers, I am posting this sweet gem. It also fills in the gap of where I was mentally in the course of this great adventure.
I write what I'm feeling, no right or wrong, just information for me to use. And God help us all that I was taken away before I called the lightening from the sky to smite all the healthcare providers in this town.
This is part of the record of my life. The crazy bi-polar American that I am!
Relax and enjoy...the anger of it all! (This post created on November 9, 2011)
It was intense but I am alive and "kicking" this morning as I told you last night, these doctors of ill repute have given me a challenge: I love a challenge.
Though my face broke out, my limbs twitched all night, I didn't really care. I did however really have fun plans for today if I made it. And I did, in full armor, manic rage!
Good morning muther fuckers I'm still here and you, well, you may want to reconsider as I am about to show you exactly what happens to me without these medicines. I guess it was more important to judge me than to listen.
Now I'm your doctor, yes, let's play fucked healthcare together.
Oh, I'm into experimentation, that means, that I am about to experiment with them. I retrieved the drugs from the garbage this morning, because that would have been a mistake.
I can hear it now: "Oh yeah, sure you did." (throw them away) Well, here it is right here and I'm going to be bringing them to you today. I'm considering the delivery via pelting you with these pills, hopefully, you will be smart enough to turn your head and not get a Xanx bb in your eye.
Or would you care for some "limitless" cytomel? Oh, that's right, my friend another PA who doesn't like women doctors anymore than I do this morning, says they are prescribing improperly. In fact, God help us all, as I haven't even finished my other fight.
Good thing that withdrawal brings out the fucked part of me, and that is what you get for causing me this trouble. I've been this way long enough to know when I'm gone over the edge, and I am, to an extent, whereas, I didn't really expect to be here, except one woman, had to test it out.
Fools ye be.
Let's see I'm going to use all the things that are legal and available, such as those healthy cigarettes being sold everywhere.
Smoking' and loving it. Thanks America for being the fools you are and the hypocrites who sell this shit, that kill people daily, costs millions in Medicare dollars, but then no, don't take care of my health problems, take care of your mental problems. AT LEAST I ADMIT IT
Everything legal and sold over the counter today. Alcohol, why not a friend to the bi-polar, or those in direct contact with a drunk, manic, angry bi-polar, it is legal to do. And I plan on trying out the finest of beers, and ride those Budweiser ponies.
What will happen? By now you should know that I don't even know. But then there are those who are so stupid...so stupid. I feel bad that they were given a brain incapable of an original thought, but I have unique thoughts everyday.
They want to chemically restrain me and allow their own folly to run free. I don't think so.
I'll be getting these drugs to you today, please await my arrival. I have to get a beer, and of course, as all these doctors say, "I don't eat enough."
How about a few humans on the menu today, will that help me gain weight?
No, I've had it, and now I've had a whole night of suffering and pain, and fear, but I only lovingly thought of you people who have helped me realize you are the ones in need of help.
Putting a contract under a partially blind person and pretending the contract was about something else, then making me sign it? I can't really believe it, but then you get what you give. In fact, one call late last night was for more information, I need to have an offense, and a defense.
The drugs are only part of this experiment as I said you sneaky bitch, you are the problem. I am your doctor, please tell me what I can do to help you fucking straighten your errant thinking and behavior.
I guess it's time...