"Would you just fucking go! Are you going to do anything?! FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING COCKSUCKER PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT!!!"
One might think that these words be fightin' words...and I patiently waited for the archaic and VERY slow computer to respond with at least half of a comeback for my friend Laura but it never did...it just sat there like the annoying, inanimate object it is.
But this entire scene led me to ask myself, why do seemingly harmless little things like a slow computer tend to set us bi-polars off faster than a disgruntled postal worker during the holidays? Well I think I may have thought up an analogy that might at least shed some light on the whole subject and if not at least give the rubber industry (not the condom industry) free publicity.
So imagine, if you will, that you are a rubber band. I know it's difficult to get past the rubbery smell, but humor me here.
Now imagine that the entire world (and all the idiots in it) is two clumsy, bumbling hands constantly stretching and pulling you...and often times in directions that you do not wish to be pulled.
You are tense, either way you look at it and there really is no way to avoid this tension no matter how much Yoga or bird watching you do.
Well you're inevitably going to get to a point where either:
A. You're released in a direction you had no problem with going in, or
B. You're released in a direction that sucks for you AND anybody else who has the potential to piss you the fuck off.
Oh wait, there's also
C. Which would basically be snapping...but let's not go there.
Going in the direction you wished to go in leaves you happy and manic...
Yippee!!!! Life is wonderful! Life is grand! Optimism explodes out of every fiber of your being and it all seems like a fucking Zappos commercial!
However, going in the opposite direction can make you angry and full of rage, sad, suicidal, and with the worst feeling of hopelessness anyone could or should ever have to endure...I know, I know, couldn't we have just gone with A.?
Now perhaps the toughest thing of all is to find ways of dealing with the tension so that when you do launch it is away from everyone else (and at inanimate objects like, say, computers instead).
I have found that seeking a balance to deal with the constant pulling is actually one of the keys to living the bi-polar life on a somewhat normal level, not that I really know anything about that word.
What does this mean? Well for some, finding equilibrium might be through writing or music or playing video games and for others it might be this or that yadi yadi yada... The point to be made here is that I think it needs to be something the bi-polar person is truly passionate about.
All of us have to do things and be around things we don't want to deal with from time to time and there is no exception to this rule...but forceably put a bi-polar person in this predicament and, well, that damn rubberband is going to be on the fucking verge of snapping EVERY fucking time.
People with bi-polar disorder are just like everybody else with the exception that we wind and release on a much shorter scale of space and time than the average person and this can mean high intelligence, intense creativity, and unfortunately, also an inherit destructive nature...but if we can just find those little alleyways in life that we lose ourselves in and are able to pour this immense amount of unused creativity and energy into...we are truly capable of beautiful things.
So listen up all you slow computers out there, pulling on all us hapless bi-polar "rubberbands", we don't usually mean any harm by our trash-talking and cutting you down but come on now, if it takes you 10 fucking minutes to do a mediocre task that can be done in 2, HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!!!!!
Oops, I just meant to say, ahem "Please bare with us we're bi-polar."