I got a message from my friend yesterday, he had heard there was a bi-polar protesting a hospital, and he had to be restrained 15 times. My friend said, I heard that and thought of you.
It's a good thing to have a sense of humor and friends who know you well enough to say something like that.
There were a few weeks that passed and I hadn't called, so they make sure to call and leave messages that will gain my attention: that one did.
But what was interesting was that my friend defended a fellow bi-polar saying all he wants is to have people treated right, respectfully. My friends learned from years of knowing me, what a bi-polar can be about.
As I was updating them on my current condition and the activities surrounding the events which have left me in rough shape, I was told, that they appreciated my kind heart and have always thought of me as a good person.
I needed to hear it, it's been a rough time, and sometimes it's a matter of what you say to another. They are not familiar with any other bi-polar than me, but they learned to take care of me.
When I told them I discovered that the condition I was in was not emergent when the nightmare started three months ago, and none of this had to happen, they started telling me to breath. I have so much emotion on the surface right now, it's not unusual for me to go from crying to braying to laughing.
I'm on my way to learn about PTSD which is a serious disorder, and none of us, escpecially the sensitive bi-polar types, should ignore the damage this can do.
Right now I have to learn to concentrate and not drift back into the past where the pain and breach of duty took place on the part of supposed healthcare providers. They provided me with a new challenge, like I need one.
When I drift back in time, feeling those same feelings, I sometimes experience anger that I know if I let loose I would not be able to take back. That is why I'm trying to listen to the wisdom of my friends, and their observations of me, so I know where I'm at in time. I don't remember what day it is, I'm sure some of you can relate.
I'll bring back whatever wisdom I can as I have to gain control of this situation before some serious things happen.
I'm not scared so much as I'm not happy that my mind selects to occupy itself with these sorts of thoughts. I hope to find out what I can do and what I should do.
One thing is getting out of the area which is triggering these emotions, but I say that would be running, you don't start and fight and leave off. You finish it if it is worthy and just. I think it is, but then others think I should leave it behind and move on to getting my health back.
I'm considering both sides, but I'm also scrambled eggs these days.
A friend of mine has a child who was taken to jail because the police were tired of dealing with them, so, out loud, they say, we're going to teach him a lesson and take him away. Which they did. The lesson turned out to scar this child and did nothing to make anything better.
I want to teach some lessons too. I thank God everyday that I have had control up to this point and have not done anything wrong. I've had the task of getting complaints out, alerting agencies and businesses and asking them to do the job in between pain and extreme emotion.
But I still have fight in me, and it's not ready to go away anytime soon. There are people who need to really think about who they are and what they have done. They are the one's I want and I will likely get them. I just want to do it in a way that doesn't disgrace those of us who have mental challenges.
So, I pray and keep in mind that I have my own set of principles not able to be reached by the shallow and the cruel, but ones that will use to do all I can to set matters straight. Stay with the truth and there is safety, not always success, but there is success in standing your ground.
I have been fighting for other people, now I have the fight of my life...for me.