Tuesday, November 13, 2012

when will it start again...it's getting scary

Up until this week I thought I was a relatively strong person, that is until I began withdrawing from Methadone.

I don't know what the hell this stuff is I only know it's evil. It's gotten a hold of me in a way I've yet to be able to describe.

My cousin is going to do the research tomorrow and find out what my options are here as I'm really at a low dose, but I'm having wicked symptoms.

I'm such an idiot, I don't know how I even get my shoes on the correct feet.

After this is over if it ever is, I'm going to have to make it clear that there are other options, namely marijuana.

The marijuana I've used to help treat a myriad of things, including pancreatitis, insomnia, boredome, depression, and pain, never caused any sort of bizarre physical effects such as these opiates and synthetic pain killers such as Methadone.

Tonight I could feel it coming, the legs were restless, the temperature of the room seemed too hot, I was getting nauseous, and then before it hit my lower back, I took the particles left from this morning's horrible adventure.

It took five hours to get out of the pain. You can't fight it either. It is a foe I know nothing about.

Had I been a drug abuser I'd probably know what to do right about now. Tomorrow, my cousin has to come through with information, make those phone calls, and find out how long this is going to go on.

When I finally get stabilized it seems I only have a few hours to get anything done before the devil comes back in to torture me.

My mind is doing it's best to hang on during this crisis, but I may have to get help. I am feeling chest pains when I'm in full withdrawl pain. My sister's fear is that I'm going to have a heart attack coming down quickly. I wouldn't even tell her about the chest pains, but then we're not talking right now. I have to do what I have to do and that about covers it.

Will my doctor want to hear this, I doubt it. We will have to just try to survive this on our own. I'll have learned something big this time, but i sure would like to be smarter this is getting ridiculous.

I'll have to create a new character for my books and just call her "stupid ass."

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