Thursday, December 15, 2011

Another day, more lessons learned...

Ahh, I feel better after getting that back to work

Though I am a crappy writer and my sentence structure weak, I still want to get to work and finish my books. I also have other unfinished business with certain types in the god awful Kern River Valley.

Having made the decision: Yuck, this town sucks, I need to leave, now I'm ready to conclude my business.

Yes, it was a tough day, all brutally angry about nothing. Also scared of the dark and all my childhood dreads. Screw it! That's over and now I'm ready to get on with it.

Some may say I'm moving too fast, but they may not be sober and reliable. Sadly, I may lose friends because I've decided to be sober and to do what I want to do. It is not easy but I can't have my friends who may not even realize they have their own problems, tell me to take psych meds!

Good God did she really say that?

She did and I in turn dished some truth back at her which didn't sit well. I had at least two people hang up the phone on me yesterday as, BABY, THE TRUTH HURTS!

I'm a bi-polar, not an idiot, thank you. And life has it's ups and downs along the way. So fucking what? You don't have to be a manic/depressive, as people use to call us, to have these different levels of living. I'm sure you, fair reader, must experience some MADNESS too.

Oh, there are those who won't admit to this and like to try and change us. FUCK YOU FRAIDY CAT!

I'm a bit manic, but not out of control!

Just when you think to count us out, and I mean us, the bi-polar reporter too, you will be surprised. The reporter wants to correct everything. Not that I will let her. I have more control now that I realize what characters I have created.

Today offers a new chance to use the reporter for the good. Yesterday I thought I may have to use drugs to control my unknown anger...but I didn't. I attacked but did not do damage. AWESOME! I am proud I leashed the "seek and destroy" character as it really doesn't have much relevance in my life to destroy for the sake of some crazy anger.

Now the reporter surfaced later in the day and we corrected a problem with our neighbor. He left his dog run our neighborhood for too long. I chased the dog home in my car and his owner, the nitwit, waved at me indicating he was thankful for the return of his dog.

I bit my tongue, and signaled with my hand that he needed to come to my car to hear more. He really didn't want to but obliged as I waited. First, let  me say, that I don't like him. Why? Because again sometimes people are a pain. This contractor, religious, woman hating, type ditched my Father and I several years ago when we needed a roof put on.

Now he cannot even think that we don't want his fucking dog in our trash at night or opening the gates. This dumb dog, not his fault, aggressed my pooch Walter. I don't like it! Nobody fucks with Walter the most awesome dog in the land. But it's the owner, not the dog, I take issue with.

This dumb ass says, "call animal control," and I quickly respond, "I already did." But I had to tell him you're being a rude neighbor by allowing this. We have all tried to be nice. Fuck nice! It doesn't work as this guy eventually said we need to secure our gates as his doggy gets out sometimes and it is out of his control.

Listen he actually has a dog run. Yet, we the victims of his unneutered male, pissing machine, must secure our gates. I don't think so, and animal control will be called so he gets a ticket a week if necessary. Hopefully, this freak will get the message. I like his dog, I think he's a dick.

The Animal Control officer did call me back and suggested that I continue to call them and make complaints, until this irresponsible owner makes sure his dog, and not my fence, stays closed. I WILL!

Don't bother others unless they want you to...

I can't make people do anything. I may see routes of action but people have to do their part. I'm doing mine by staying sober, focusing on my interests, goals, and when I interfere I may make others unhappy.

It's tough to listen to the same story about how someone hurt, bullied and eventually took financial advantage of my friends. They constantly fear this or they are making threats. But dammit, they never follow through. I can't listen to it anymore. It's that simple.

Now I see it! As the song goes, "I was blind but now I see."

What I need and want is a good editor. If only a person existed who believed in this writer, but I'll find him or her eventually. I do believe in me, heck I'm my biggest, and maybe only fan! Hooray for me, as I'm free to do what I want.

Oh, Scooter, tell me again: what do I want? I'm kidding, somewhere deep down, I know EXACTLY what I want. And I am on track to getting it.

I feel scared that my friends seem to be upset with me. But I have to face they may only be fair weather friends. New friends who can accept me are in order. I'll know soon enough who can stand me and all my personalities. (She's so crazy and we are not...LOL)

So, think of me when you fuck up today, and know I do it all the time, and goddammit, I enjoy it! Tell someone off and create a better space for yourself, and the bi-polar reporter will rest easy that she doesn't have to work on your behalf.

I've got animals who need attention and a house to clean. Good luck to all with anger and pain...God it's great! Laura Hart (yeah, it's me)

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