Tuesday, December 20, 2011

It's so hard to forgive myself...

When my mistakes cause pain...

It is so difficult to forgive me for the pain I cause others. I know in my heart I cannot change anyone's pain, even if I want to. I leave that to the universe and then sit in mine for a while. I hurt so many people and continue to do so, it hurts me so much more.

I spoke to an incredible woman from the hospital drama over at KVHD and she told me things that left my mind reeling last night. Did I allow racism and prejudice to take her down? I don't know but I sure as shit feel like shit about it.

Then someone who has been my biggest and sometimes my only supporter was called "out" yesterday against her will. She did not want to talk about it and she made it clear. I did not or could not go along with it. So, I fear she is angry or suffering because of what I did. I'm sorry again.

Today again I must forgive myself which is the toughest thing to do. I ask Scooter for forgiveness but that is always available. Now I ask me, please forgive me for hurting such decent, awesome people. And there it is. I have no choice or I will continue to hurt myself and others. I WILL  let it go. I WILL serve the people I care about and no longer find it necessary to change them.

I'm not in charge of them, I'm only in charge of me.

Big time ideas came to  me last night while I slept. There was fear and then I realized that nothing can change any of this, nor would the universe want that. I have tuned in to the powers that be and I do wield power, I just did not realize how much. I also did not realize how much this was hurting others around me.

You know who you are, and I am so sorry. I feel pain and it is nothing, but I have been around for a long time, I'm your channel! Oh, go ahead and change me and I'll still be here.

Karma is Coming!

The light will have it's time for those who are sitting in the dark like campers when there is warmth to be found. You need not camp anymore...find the spirit within you! I can show you, but I cannot do it for you. But if you ask me I will serve you.

God is mercy and as I said if the creator could deal with a bitch like me, then he/she could love you too. And this same source will give you all that you want. Then you will not want.

Spirit is born of spirit, flesh of flesh, so remember who you are deep down inside. I can no longer hide in this, I have to find the courage to be who I am.

I'll get back to you later, as my days are like years, eons, and things change as I absorb everything. Make your day count! Be on top of it, do something incredible, and mostly be yourself in the light of that which created you and loves you! Laura Hart...(a major pain in the ass!)

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