Friday, December 16, 2011

Follow up to the last post, writhing in pain thru the night...

This was complicated

I know now what drove me mad, not having my animals, nor my neighbor's animals in a situation where I KNEW they were safe. As I spoke about, there was a day when I could no longer take the doctor dope, meaning pain pills, sleep aids, and even barbituates for my stomach. How much dope was I on? Enough to allow me to go crazy and lose control of my house and those whom I care for most: the animals.

The paramedics were first to judge...

Now that the pieces are falling together, I know that the paramedics came as my friend thought I would surely kill myself. Maybe. But I gave off all the signals so they did what they had to do. Those firemen and women came to my house and found a crazy person on the ground.

In my world I know I have an arm, meaning I can throw something with amazing accuracy, but I DO NOT think I threw the vitamins at a paramedic but rather out of frustration. He seemed to walk in the door at the wrong time. But that was IT for them. They were angry.

Honestly, if I wanted to hit them with vitamins or pelt them with rocks, I would have taken out an eye or something horrible, as they then dragged me away from my house and my animals. I hope that someone from the firehouse will read this and know I freaked out!

And so did they!

They were pissed and had the idea, which they told people, that I was simply crazy. But they also allowed, even after I begged that I had no one to take care of ALL THE ANIMALS IN MY CARE, me to be taken against my will. It's called a 5150, danger to self-danger to others. I was not so dangerous until this rope was tied to me. I remember, and I know they do too, I begged them to leave me and they would not even shut the door to my bird's room. Walter barked at them and tried to get them to stop. He knew.

But since a paramedic was hit (I say unintentionally again I could show them my aim if I intended: right in the mouth mutherfucker) they were angry and the police joined in to take down this fucking bitch. There was also concern that I wanted to be dead, but they lost their compassion as anger overtook their own reasoning. I know all of them care about animals, but not mine, and not after they were justified.

So, being held down, I asked over and over about my house and my animals. I went fucking crazy. You may as well have killed me as I was going to get home somehow.

That didn't happen either

It was a mistake, the vitamins, but those there assumed that I was dangerous. I then was held against my will and truly at that juncture I was made dangerous.

KVHD the hospital that never takes responsibility was up next. They again did not know what happened at my house, except what the paramedics said. So, now they too, were justified in doing what they had to to do, get me ready for shipment. They didn't have to listen, they didn't have to fucking care.

I became despondent because I could not leave, and wanted to die. I wanted to suffer as I knew my children or animals would. I begged them to listen but by this point I was just a psych case addicted to drugs, full of drugs, according to the toxicology test. That was another thing I was not allowed to pee by myself and had to endure a catheter. If you have never had one, let's say it's terrible and they know it.

But I was angry and would have endured anything to get home and out of there. No way, was their attitude. And I ran for a church where I again begged for help. Not even the church would believe me that I needed to get home. My friends did get there, but the police took me down the mountain and booked me, as the church gave me no asylum. I'm sure they were concerned, I DO REMEMBER NOW. God it hurts so bad to remember.

They had the reporter, the gadfly, the "crazy bitch" and now I would spend three weeks trying to get back to my responsibilities, my heart, my animals..I'm so despondent right now thinking of all of this.

You didn't even tell them, KVHD...

Though I spoke with a "friend" from the hospital today, he didn't really understand the situation as I could not remember, until now. He needs to know not only did I get treated like the plague by several staff, but I also did not get my records sent and never GOT ONE DOSE OF THYROID MEDICATION while I was gone.

What kind of ER does not acknowledge true medical issues such as what I'm going to explain here? I had my thyroid taken out via radiation in 2005, meaning there is no thyroid unless I take it. Instead of thyroid I was given anti-psychotics. This wasn't going to help as thyroid controls everything from heart rate to everything, trust me.

It can also mean psychotic symptoms as my natural mother had Grave's disease and her thyroid almost killed her. It's been a problem for me for years now, but no one, I mean no one took responsibility for it. I tried to tell someone but again, I was simply a crazy prisoner who tried to hurt a paramedic. I would never have hurt him and only respect what these people do in service to their communities.

But I also assaulted staff? 

The CNO said I also assaulted staff at KVHD. This is strange as I usually don't do these things, but again, I was trying to get to my home and my animals. So, I am asking them to tell me what happened, and how much damage occurred, but they need to find out why they REACTED the way they did.

If the ER is to even stay open and care for people they have to ask themselves the same painful questions I am asking myself: what did I do that caused the problem? They thought they knew me, but as the CNO said, I had never acted like that before. "Oh, she's on drugs" or "she's a crazy bi-polar" or even "she's getting what she deserves...maybe?

I'll admit to my shit, but I know just from a few questions to staff such as the nurse who hit me with narcan, they don't admit things to themselves. They are happy to be in La La land it appears. That makes them dangerous to themselves and the community, in my mind, so let's 5150 them and see what happens...Kidding. I'm going to forgive you but also complain so that this is at least addressed in the future. Again, KVHD has a track record of NEVER addressing problems. Why I don't know.

Doctors are never wrong?

How could it be that doctors are never wrong. In my life I have had an injury from medication but the doctor would never, ever admit to being wrong. How does anyone live like that? Now it appears and I can remember Dr. Martin of KVHD ER fame. He was there and did nothing to help the situation. I've read the report and though it's full of suicidal cries for help no one including this doctor ever says I tried to get out because of the animals.

They ignored my heart ache. They were able to do this by justifying their own role: we are just preparing you for your trip from hell. It was and if they are true sadists they should know that I lost it, and was in such severe trauma that I thought I would come back and make sure I did all that was necessary to NEVER HAVE THIS HAPPEN AGAIN!

Off drugs, and out of my home, I was crazy in every way. I did not know what to do. Even after I told them, and five days later my friend called, I never got one thyroid pill. That is sick unto itself. They would NOT BELIEVE ME, and there was nothing I could do, but PRAY. I prayed and prayed and prayed, and finally I had to submit to the horror that I was not home. And it was out of my control whether I liked it or not.

I knew last week when I was set to get a blood test and could not follow thru that something GOD AWFUL had happened. Now the nightmare is staring me in the eyes: I'm cold sober and this is sobering.

I'm sorry you thought this...

Actually, I'm a kind person, insecure, too honest, too caring, but somehow my reputation proceeded me. I used to volunteer at nursing homes when I was a kid. I would go there and see the residents and when I found out that KVHD allowed their elderly patients to be abused, I fucking freaked out. I pinned down the administration and the board, and tried to make them answer. Again, KVHD doesn't answer to anyone...wait though, GOD WILL HAVE HIS TIME WITH YOU.

Just like me, GOD will have the moment when those who shut up, said nothing, acted in a mean way, will have to answer to these things. Tom, you stood at the door yawning at my pain. Shall we yawn at yours? No, because that is not how I do it. I'm going to forgive myself first as this has been so bad, MY ANIMALS WERE THE VICTIMS OF ALL OF US.

That's just great. 

So, the story starts as I ruin my reputation by getting angry as former CEO, Pam Ott, pretends she is my victim and tries to go along until I hunt her down. But those who saw me at those meetings, those who would believe a doctor simply because of the title, those who would judge, did just that. I was the bad guy. I appeared to them as crazy. And even the families who have complaints as to what happened to their mothers and fathers in the KVHD skilled nursing facility are the "crazy ones."

Wrong! I've never seen so much DENIAL as I have with the situation between this hospital and this community. You are wrong, we have the right to be angry.

I've had several employees say, "what could I have done?" Umm, put your balls on and spoken up. But then they would have lost their job. Okay...

Who wants to be employed by Adolph Hitler? Oh, yeah, a nazi reference, but the truth hurts. I'm facing my truth and it's ugly. CAN YOU?

Finally they took me...

My reputation and the pseudo assault were the keys to starting this fire all over again. We all watched me go through the worst of the worst. I've aged ten years in a month, but I'm here to tell you: NO MORE! God how much more will these people do and never, ever, speak of their mistakes?

I have no choice but to forgive myself and need to warn others that this could happen to you too. If I don't learn, then what could happen here? I could use my anger, which is big, and hurt you back. However, it appears Karma is catching up to us all. I have to let God deal with you and focus on my health, something positive. Oh yeah, just before this happened, I had realized that the best revenge is MY SUCCESS.

I'll have to go with that right now and pray on it. Otherwise, please don't do this to anyone else. Some people are not as resilient as I am, and this would kill any regular spirit. Mine wishes only for compassion, and if you who may read this, at KVHD, or at CRF, or anyone in between, please, some understanding would help. I know that my anger was not against them, but angry at the world. Angry that I had doctor dope so much so that I would lie. I'm not into lying, I'm sadly, painfully, very much about the truth.

The truth hurts...

Doctors who prescribe things and friends who ask for the drugs don't help. We all need to get better, and sometimes we do need medications. But come on' doctors and nurses, you know who is a junkie and who is not. I became a junkie as I had access to the strongest stuff in the world. My former doctor whom I left for the drugs, told me, he was not comfortable providing them. He was right. He only recently realized that marijuana, though still an excuse, was better than watching people on benzo's and opiates.

He left the area, and he was afraid of me. I have a blog where he is named as a bad guy. Boy do things change! He was the only one with a conscience I guess. I'm sorry Dr. Nadler, I didn't realize. But again, he wasn't perfect, he was right on the mark about this issue though. I hope he learns as he lives and brings more compassion, as he could be an arrogant ass too! Just like me.

I would like an apology...

I may as well say I would like to win the lottery, as an apology from KVHD or otherwise, is likely not coming. What we needed was communication and on my part there was anger. They also had anger, and we fucking clashed.

Everything was triggered in me. I'm a light show of fucking emotion. But at least I can sleep. I think I'll even take a morning nap. That is because I know I was wrong and admit it. Can they? Let's see what happens and I'll get back to you.

Take care and have a good day. Laura Hart (my heart aches with these memories)

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