Tuesday, December 13, 2011

I remember and you had better too!

Dead again: How many times is this now?

It's not as if I haven't been dead before, but I had the dream last night, after two weeks home...And I know that others know this too: I died and came right back...again.

Now, if you don't remember then hear me out.

I had taken morphine and drank some beer and likely added other drugs too. But according to the ER report, I was a handful of venom, thrashing and attacking. But also, clearly, a suicide as I directly asked to be shot by police, LOL. Remember I spoke about the fact that I had been hit with Narcan early in the year without any warning and I was scared....

Many of you don't think I'm scared or get scared, but just am a hard ass who has some serious "psych" problems. Well, I do get scared as I apparently ran to a church across from the hospital ER and sat crying while freaking out the Pastor and church members. This information came from my friend who came to pick me up.

I didn't get picked up, but I was sent down the mountain with a Sheriff watching me: to jail. If you read the guest post from my friend who gave me the head's up about what lead to this recent attempt, she makes a point of why was I sent to jail. And why there were no medical records sent with me. ???

They didn't have all the information, only their own prejudice

I've said it before, I say it again, the medical field is full of prejudice and they don't like complicated people. They did a drug screen, which I have not seen, so I cannot comment, but there must have been some really good stuff swarming through my veins that day.

I remember taking most of it. Black outs come with heavy drugs and alcohol, so it's no surprise I don't remember it "word for word" or maybe "drug by drug."

Death has it's own feeling: and I felt it. I have experience trying to be dead along with being dead on the tub four years prior. It's not the big deal we all make it to be, my assessment is that it would be boring, and that is why I keep coming back for MORE.

I kicked and kicked and they all fell down

I put on a show as I must have been a mess from hell, pissing, shitting, throwing up, but getting off ALL that doctor dope. Being the crazy bi-polar, it had to be all at one time. How very dramatic of me.

But give me a break guys, I was scared of you. You had previously breached my trust by hurting me with the Narcan. If people don't know, Narcan is given in situations where a patient is about to die from an opiate overdose. I was not dying that day, I simply had palpitations and wanted to confirm my heart was okay.

Instead, I got a blast of this opiate antagonizer and I screamed like a baby! I was chock full of opiates at the time and all I could do was scream. Well, the scream was more like the word "FUCK" going on for an hour, I don't know. The nurse who gave this swell drug to me never alerted me and I was sent on a long trip from hell.

It was my wake up call though

You can never say that things don't happen for a reason. It was terrible in the sense that I was hurt to a degree that even my family would not talk to me. I could not clearly understand why when I was wide awake I was given this drug. And we know from both these experiences, that KVHD does not want to take their own responsibility.

Don't do this to another person or I will be angry

I'm a different type of person as you all have figured out. I have fight and grit. There are others who are simply suicidal and they would cave under the pressure. I ask KVHD staff right now to rethink what they did to me, realize the prejudice, and make sure it doesn't happen to someone else, less willing to come back from the dead.

I'm here and alive!!!

The best part of this story is how it ends, or begins, as it's a new day. I'll be working on the story of the Kern River Valley, it's healthcare, it's politics, called "The Valley of Fear." A sneak preview of the book is on this site under the label: the bi-polar reporter. Read it and know that you who were a part of any of these exciting adventures will be contained in the pages.

I've got things to do, dogs to walk, a cat to harass, and a bird to wake up. But you too have something to learn even from a "crazy person" which is what the paramedics and police initially thought.

Now they think, the bitch has a few brain cells left, and she did kick all her drugs...hmm, maybe this is something to think about.

You bet!

Don't do what I do which is either dismiss me or take it too seriously, but we all played our role in this adventure. And here's the rub: I like you and I also like me. So, I won't take sides. LOL

Have a great day and thanks again for letting me die so that I may LIVE and LOVE and LAUGH and spit on you (oh my there's the vinegar, use it on your salad...fuck you!). I'm going to make things better and in some cases worse, but it's an adventure I never want to miss!

Take care and prosper...be back later with more...Laura Hart

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